I don't know
It is long, please bear it. I saw a girl at the beginning of my college. I liked her. She was not my classmate, then I felt I got attracted to her. She was really beautiful. I told my friends I liked a girl. The problem was the news spread fast and it reached her before I told her. So I decided let me wait for some time, if I like her after that I will ask her, if I forget it is for good. I waited for 1 year, by this time I really liked her. Got to know more about her, her interests through mutual friends but I had never talked to her in that time.
Suddenly Someday it felt I should propose, so approached her. She said she is more interested in studies and we can be friends. But after that she did not talk to me much, I just talking to her once in a while and wishing for her birthday. This went on for a year and I felt I really liked her so started to chat for which she was responding but when I asked her out she rejected it.
Then a couple of months later she started flirting my friend. He was a good friend of mine, so he was telling me everything. A few months later my friend said she might like him and he wants to propose her. I said if she likes you go ahead and do. A few days later He proposed but she rejected it without telling any reason. A few days later we got to know another guy proposed her and she had accepted. A year passed by and I wished for her birthday and a few months were left for college end, So I decide d to talk to her before that and I said how I feel and she said she likes me but cannot treat me as her love. So she told me to forget her and move on with my life. I wished everything goes well for her and left.
After the college got over, I did not contact her for a few months and after around 9 months my friends say her marriage is fixed with a NRI. It was an arranged marriage. She told her parents about her love and they denying and forcefully convincing her for the marriage. I called her that night and asked she is fine. She said she is fine. I could not do anything. A month later I called her and met her for her birthday. She invited me for marriage there. I went to her marriage 3 months later and wished her. A couple of weeks later they left the country.
I did not have her contact number there, so a couple of months later I contacted her through facebook, she said she likes that place. We had some simple conversations. About six months later, I asked her we could be friends, she said she does not want to be my friend. Then I started to message once in a while, she responds but she is not doing whole heartedly.
I know friendship after marriage is not good, but I could never forget her all through these years. I always liked her and I have never thought of any other girl like that. I want to be her friend for the rest of my life. Now after graduating I applied for masters and got seat in a prestigious university. From few months I am thinking all day about her( but I am not troubling her) and my concentration levels have reduced and studies have reduced in this semester. I do not care much about studies but I feel like I am not able to get either of them. I am not able to get close to her as a friend and I don't know what else to tell.
Any suggestions are welcome
You must not spend your time thinking about this girl. She is married and has her own life.
You are in love with the past.
Think about what you loved about her (face, hair, smile) Then find another love with a girl who lives near you.
Too much time has gone by. You are wasting your life.