Unhealthy relationship

Posted by
YOYO7
on Apr 3 2014 at 07:55
Member since: 03 April 2014
Relationship advice forum category advice forum category Hi all,i have a problem with my boyfriend.its two years since we dating and we have a child whos 8 months now.my problem to him is that he repeates the same thing again and again. early when we started dating we had a problem that he lives me in his famaly house and go with friends and drinks come backs at 3am or 6 am.we've taked with him several times bt he did not lesson ,got pregnamt still doing the same thing,we argued about this bt he did not stop.gave birth still doing the same thing.our child was staying in his house with his granny so now i go there each and every weekend.he lives my alone and his mother is very controlling and like to say things i do't like bt am nt complaining i just keep quite.so ive taked with him several time and recently he was not going on weekends he went when am not there (his house).and when eva i say something he turns it to me and i end up biesng the one that is wrong, and his telling his sister that he wants to party with his friends and myself i dont let him do that,bt i said to him "you can go with your friends bt kw that am here and be on time dnt stay there the hole night.nw am confused.please help
Reply from
GIN
on Apr 3 2014 at 09:36
Member since: 03 April 2014
Your boyfriend needs to stop the partying and man up. His family (you and your child) should come first before his friends. He shouldn't be spending all his time with them. Family comes first in my eyes. I think beings you have stated that you have tried to talk with him about things and him not listening is a red flag. He should respect your feelings and wanna work something out with you. In no way should he make you feel like your in the wrong. Nothing wrong with saying how you feel. If he can't respect your wishes then he isn't worth the trouble. As a boyfriend he should be there for you and your child more than anything. Not out all the way till morning doing God knows what. He shouldn't make you feel bad nor worry. Hopefully you can have a serious sit down with him and let him know whats bothering you. A relationship is a two way street and he should do his part just as much I'm sure as you do yours.
Reply from
YOYO7
on Apr 3 2014 at 12:05
Member since: 03 April 2014
Thanks very much.This thing hurts me the most,as am telling you that i\'ve been talking to him about this quit some time.but no improvement and last month he did stay and i appritiate all that his doing.bt its not much because am still filling down or sad.My child is staying with his mom on his house so i go there every weekend during the week we not seeng each ather because i work in a differnt town.and his mother is very controlling and she jumps in each and every problem that we have now that the is a child involved.but my findings to her comment or advaces he is in favour of her son she doesnt consider my fillings he just says be patient everything is going to be fine.on feb.i took a dicision that each and every weekend i will take my child and sleep to my houese so that am not warid at nights by a person that is parting.his mother jumped in that dicision telling me that the child is not going anywhere i must fix my problem with my boyfiend and she\'ll talk to her still she did talk to her but no improvement.her mother say i must consider my self lucky since my child is there and they love her.and constrate on fixing the problem bt i told her that its not working caurse i\'ve been taking and talking its enough now.so she is refusing to give me my chld and i dont have parents.i leave with my younger brother.and at times she says things that i dont like and i keep quite since i don\'t want to disrespect her.help please.
Reply from
SUSIEDQQ
on Apr 3 2014 at 14:04
Member since: 27 December 2013
Why does this woman have your child? Does she have custody of this child? she must respect you as the mother.

About your boyfriend: he is immature and sounds like an alcoholic. Repeating himself is one thing a drunk does. It is nerve wracking and you and the child should not be around it.

Please find an adult or mentor who can help you deal with this mother and that guy. They are absorbing your role as a mother and the child is growing up in a home that might not be good for it.

May I ask your age?

Reply from
YOYO7
on Apr 3 2014 at 14:19
Member since: 03 April 2014
No she does't have any costody.since i dont have parents so she dicided to take the child.and by that time i give birth i was working in Port elizabeth so after birth i stayed in my boyfiends place and i left after a month go back to PE.bt nw ive move to East London more closer to them.

i am 27 yeard old and my boy friend is 25

Reply from
SHIVANGI
on Apr 3 2014 at 15:03
Member since: 24 April 2014
Yoyo...the main problem is the problems between you and your boyfriend, should not be shared with your boyfriend's mother! She will never agree her son is at fault and her opinions and decisions will be biased. For example when you wanted your baby with you on weekends, all you had to say was we both parents would like to spend weekend with the baby as we don't get to see the baby for the full week. If you put it as I want the baby for weekends so that when he goes partying I don't feel scared, your boyfriend's mother did not give you the baby! When his mother is very controlling, learn to hide problems from her and try and solve it by yourselves. Next time tell her "Yes we talked it out and all is fine now." Keep giving her the feeling that all is ok between you and your boyfriend, she will interfere lesser then.
Reply from
SUSIEDQQ
on Apr 3 2014 at 15:57
Member since: 27 December 2013
She does not have a mature, able partner to work with. She cannot count on him and he has problems that are going to only get worse.

This is going to require her to establish her own home where she will be able to set her own ground rules and raise her child by herself.

She needs to make this happen. Many other working mothers work to make this their life for them and their children.

Reply from
SUSIEDQQ
on Apr 3 2014 at 20:13
Member since: 27 December 2013
Good advice.

Get control of your own life.

Good luck.

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