PeoplesProblems Logo

In need of some good ol' fashioned relationship advice..

Default profile image
I feel almost silly asking strangers to help me out with my problems, but I really need a third party opinion, so here goes nothing.. I've been dating my boyfriend for almost a year, and most of the time the relationship is really great and I'm overall pretty happy, but lately I've felt like the smallest thing going wrong in the relationship will just push me over the edge and put me in a terribly sad mood. I feel very emotionally invested in this relationship, I love this guy so much, and I know he loves me too, but I worry he doesn't quite know how to show it and there's days where I feel like more of an afterthought to him. Not like a priority. We've had this talk before, and he's assured me that I'm important to him, so I feel almost pathetic when I start second guessing his feelings again and again. I think part of my problem here is that I keep my feeling to myself, almost always, and I'm afraid to come off as desperate or clingy.. he has no idea the pain I've felt and the horrible nights I've had where I've been sitting at home alone with nothing to do wishing that he would come whisk me off my feet.. Am I too emotional about nothing? I'm usually very stable.. so all of this has been very surprising to me. I just love him and I want to feel wanted, I guess.. My problem today is this.. we hung out last night (mind you, we haven't been on a real date in weeks, just usually hanging out at his place or mine, doing nothing) When I was leaving this morning, I asked what he was doing tonight, and he said he was going to be busy playing games online with friends. Maybe I shouldn't have expectations, 'cuz they always seem to let me down, but I was hoping for a date, it being Friday night and all. Now I'm all bummed because my bf is too busy for me on a Friday night, and I can just see myself wallowing at home tonight, while all my friends are out on dates.. I want to say something to him, about how I wish he would ditch his friends and take his girlfriend out on a date instead.. but I know that sounds super clingy. Because it is clingy.. I realize that. I don't know. I wish I could be more independent, but I just want to feel cared about.. and I don't. What do I do? Suck it up or say something?

In need of some good ol' fashioned relationship advice..

Default profile image
i definitely think you need to say something to one point though is at the beginning of this relationship were you two going out frequently or was he doing what he is doing now? Unfortunately some guys tend to become complacent once they have caught their prize without know it. there is two ways of dealing with this one is continue suffering in silence and eventually come to resent the relationship or explain to him how you feel again including the wanting him to take you out and pay more attention it should never be a problem to want to feel wanted just my two cents

In need of some good ol' fashioned relationship advice..

Default profile image
Hi ELLELONDON, I think you problem will hit home with so many women..... I know many that are the same feelings with their partners.... I myself experienced similar thoughts feelings etc.... I do not think you are being clingy...... because you are writing here and you are controlling it.... what is the doubt about? Have you experienced not being cared for in a past relationship? You say you have had this talk with him and he reassures you and you feel silly for voicing it.... secretly you are hoping he will match your feeling and be eager to work on a solution? But it just stays stagnated.... he believes it is you with the issue I know it all too well. You say you are emotional alot and you do sound lonely........ How did this relationship start out? were you in a good place did you know what you wanted? I think you should explore this some more for you...... you want things to change right? You can only do that for you..... stop looking out for him to sweep you away..... from what? You need to figure that out......... We all in our fantasies want to be adored lifted up, and feel secure...... there is nothing wrong with wanting and needing this.... As you are approaching a year the crystallized period of the relationship can fade and you begin to see passed the ideal....... My advice for you is too start writing your emotions down, stay with them be with them for you..... do not give them away to him.... he has not got an iota .... if you don't how can he know? You are stuck somewhere..... Focus on making yourself happy on you won for while, see your mates, explore another part of you that is not attached to him. You need to create that place (whatever it is, new class, group, meditate )whatever you like. Maybe stay away from each other and have dates again..... the hanging around the house is boring and domesticated things. You need something to look forward too.....

In need of some good ol' fashioned relationship advice..

Default profile image
Initially men will chase women. Make them feel over the moon. Once things settle they lose the zeal coz the chase is over and they have got her. Then they settle for a complacent space which leaves the women fuming,fretting and feeling left out coz by then they have got used to being over the moon. Like Mountain said its a common feeling among women. We all experience it at one time or another. Now what you need to do is put your BF on a back burner and focus on something else thats interesting to you. You will soon find the equation reversing where he'll be asking you out more often.

In need of some good ol' fashioned relationship advice..

Default profile image
Yes I know it is not want you want to hear?? but the truth YOU CANNOT GO BACK .... we all want to go to an earlier state of being when it was magic....etc. There is more to look forward too, it is different, and maybe a different kinda magic.... This may turn into an unhealthy dependency that will kill both of you ......detach a little get some space......

In need of some good ol' fashioned relationship advice..

Default profile image
May I ask your ages? Your boyfriend should be able to spend some time with this friends. Why don't you make it a girls night out on that night, too? But there's more going on here. You require more attention but almost seem needy. Then he wants to play video games with his friends instead of being with you. So you take this personally. I'd say you have an unrealistic view of a relationship and he is not ready for a relationship. Neither of you seem happy. Move on.

In need of some good ol' fashioned relationship advice..

Default profile image
Ok, I was in this same boat weeks ago. In fact, our situations are so similar its a little creepy. Unfortunately, there are going to be times when he wants to see friends and that means the two of you cant hang out. If this is a rare thing, that's fine. When it becomes habit, its time to do something. I would have to disagree with those telling to move on. You seem to really care about him so moving on would not be best right now. Get your own life. Go out with your friends. When he wants to see you one night, have a girls night instead. Give him a taste of his own medicine. If he cares, he'll come running back, begging, trust me.

This thread has expired - why not start your own?

B-3