Drugs, infidelity and death... How do we get past this?
After my husband and I discovered we couldn't have children, we also found out my father in law was terminal with a rare brain tumor. We had been married a little over a year and both were recovering drug addicts. These two events lead to us using again, our drug of choice was heroin. One day we get arrested, my husband loses his job immediately, and I get fired 3 days later. 2 weeks after our arrest, we lose our house and have no other option but to move in with my husbands mother and her boyfriend. They lived an hour away, and at least 20 min away from the nearest town. By this point we were physically dependent to heroin, and I greatly feared withdrawal. After suffering for a few days, my mother in laws boyfriend offers his idea of help, meth. It helped us completely forget about the pain of opiate withdrawals. However, we had no money and no jobs, and he didn't want to continue giving out free drugs. After 2 weeks he convinced me to trade sex for drugs. I have never cheated on my husband before and tried everything else I could think of first before finally giving in. After a month, my husband confronts me, telling me he's been recording the garage every night (this is where everything went on). After a long fight we decide we will work on things as long as everything else stops. The next morning as I am about to talk to the mothers boyfriend about what happened, my mother in law comes in telling me she knows and she needed to hear me say it. I tell the truth, while at the same time her boyfriend continues to deny it, asking for proof. My husband, his mom and I decide we can get past this and go look at a place to move into together. After we come home she goes and talks with her boyfriend and comes upstairs afterwards, even more upset. She had been fed a bunch of lies and tells me to get out and then asks my husband to chose, her or me. He tells her he already chose me. 20 min later we find her in the bathtub, attempting suicide by taking a mixture of pills. Less than an hour later; she dies...it has been almost 4 months and we fight more than ever, he constantly thinks I'm cheating on him, which I can't even imagine doing after everything we've been through. I have become distant, unable to show love because I know I don't deserve it, I wouldn't stay if the roles were reversed. I love him more than anything, I couldn't live without him...how do we get past this? What can I do to show him I am truly in love with him? I'm almost 25 and he is only 23, we've been through so much in such a short period of time, I fear that the right thing to do would be to leave him so I don't hit him anymore, but I selfishly stay
You both have been through so much!
First of all understand the drug addiction is behind most of your problems. Lack of job- Drugs. Lack of money - drugs. Lack of trust - drugs. Inability to show love - drugs.
You owe a lot to your partner for staying beside you after the infidelity and the death of his mother too. Can't you guys get de-addicted? Join a rehab? You both have just started life together. Why do you want to snuff all the joys out of your lives with this drug addiction?
Not sure what you are asking. But there's one thing for sure: Nothing is going to happen unless you get clean. And I don't mean from the drugs. You've got a lot of "stinkin thinkin" going on that clouds your judgement.
Your drug use is just one reason you are in this pickle. Your male dependency is another.
I'd encourage you to leave this entire dysfunctional setting and get yourself clean.
At this young age, you are headed for tragedy, my dear. Good luck.
You said exactly what I sas thinking SUSIEDQ. Good luck.