I don't think I love my boyfriend
I've been with my boyfriend now for 5 and a half years. We started going out when I was 15 and he was 17. We have a house and two children together, our son I had when I was 16, we'd been together 2 months before I got pregnant known each other 6 months. He stayed with me though and was there at the birth and would come round my mum and dad's house. Our second child is 2 months old now and all four of us live together. He's the only person I've told I love but I haven't said it for such a long time and before that there wasn't much feeling to it. We don't spend time together when we're home one of us will be upstairs and one downstairs, even at my mum's when we were in the same room he'd be on his laptop me on my computer. We have the same friends and go out occasionally like that but we'll split off start of the day/night meet up again at the end. He does seem to love me or at least be fond of me but he's noticed and keeps saying that I don't love him and I feel bad so I lie and say I do because he is alright and hasn't had the easiest life. When I was pregnant the first time though he would still go out drinking and I wouldn't see him for ages and then there were rumours about him cheating on me and we were young and he was freaked out but he denies it still and it drives me insane! He didn't start being a proper dad until our boy was 3 years old and even now he'll only play dad when he wants, and him playing dad is winding the children up, making a mess and then saying he's had enough get cross when he keeps trying to play and then leaving me to deal with it. I have no interest in sex with him and before it wasn't that great but it was the only thing we had in common really and at 15 it was a novelty kind of thing and then I was scared he'd leave me with a baby at 16 and he was my only 'link' to the outside world because I seldom saw my friends. Then we got a house and I'd go hide somewhere if he was home in the morning or we'd do deals like he'd take me to the shop if we had sex or something. It annoys me aswll that the kids like him so much even he doesn't do anything for them and if he does it's extremely rare and I don't get to play with them much because I have to do all the surviving essentials for them. We argue and I try my best not to start infront of the kids but our son will go quiet and he doesn't like us being together with him but try and split us up e.g. daddy go to the shop and me and mummy will make a cake. I ama selfish person and horrible to get along with, my head is in the clouds and I don't like being brought back down but I don't want to stay stuck with someone I don't love it's not fair on me or him and I definitely don't want to argue infront of the kids but I'm scared about the impact on them, our boy is 4 and starts school in September I don't want to give him problems by chaning school, new sister, broken up parents and a new house all in one year! I am so confused and just wondering if I'm over reacting, being a bitch or maybe need to do something now before it gets worse.
Bless your heart, that does not sound easy! And you are definitely not being bitch. By the sounds of it this guy does not deserve you. Don't stay with him for the sake of your kids either..from what you have said even they are picking up that its not good when you are together.
I think it is clear that you don't love him. That's not your fault, you can't force yourself to love him. Even if you try, i am sorry to say it won't work out.
But think of it this way, is it fair to suffer and be unhappy by staying with him? Not getting to spend the quality time you want with your children.
He may love you, but he isn't showing it very well. He will go to the shop if you have sex with him? Sweetie, that is not right! But mainly its not fair on you or your children...
My advice would be to leave, move back home, if you can? He can still be a dad, but it will give you the chance to live your own life.= and be happy.
When you love someone, no matter how long it has been, i don't care what anyone says..there should be sparks! Don't settle for someone who doesn't make you light up every time they smile at you. There isn't just one person in this world for you, there are millions of people that can and will make you happy. All of them will have flaws, all of them will have strengths.
You were young when you got together, and people change all the time in what they want and need. I'm not saying its going to be easy, but my best friend is in the same situation..i see the pain he goes through every day, and he truly is an amazing father.
Let your focus be yourself and your children, i hope this helps!
You two were too young to be saddled with such responsibilities. A two month relationship and then you got married, - and now find yourself really distant from each other.
There is really no surprise here.
You have time and children invested in this man and although he sounds very immature, you may be, too. You may have an unrealistic view of what's it's like for a young couple with with two children. Your complaints are not that uncommon.
Time to go to counseling and figure out if this man is who you want to be with as you raise your children. You need a partner and you need to be a partner, too.
Don't worry about the children. They both will be in school soon, and not need you as much. You two will look at each other and decide if this is all worth saving.