I have been with my boyfriend for almost 6 years now, and he is a musician. I have always done my best to support him through all the different bands he's gone through and the times when he didn't have a band at all, etc. However, a little over a year ago a group of him and his friends started a band and now they are REALLY popular around where we live. They have a gig almost every weekend, and on top of that my boyfriend plays as a guest for a lot of other bands as well. He's always at a gig or practicing. It's just been hitting me really hard lately that I definitely come second to his music. I try to remember that that doesn't mean he doesn't love me, but that doesn't help me feel less neglected and less lonely. And what makes it even worse is that the lead singer of his band is an extremely talented, pretty attractive woman. I know he doesn't have any feelings for her, but it just really gets to me when I barely get to see him and she gets to see him ALL the time. Sometimes I wish that he wasn't a musician or that he wasn't as successful as he is, but then I remember that that's one of the reason I fell for him; I love music and I love that he loves music and can actually play music. But at the same time, it's hard. If him and/or his band ever "make it big" I don't know how I'm going to make it through all the tours and whatnot. I guess I'm just wondering if anyone has or is going through something similar and has any words of wisdom for me.
I am having the same problem. accept my boyfriend is the lead singer. and right now he is having a problem with his band right now so he gets depressed and angry. sometimes i feel like he doesn't even want me around at all unless he gets his music fix. i love him and i know he only wants to become famous. the only thing i have found that works to make me feel like he isn't angry at me and make him feel better as well is to go hang out with friends for a few days and then he usually wants to take me out and have some alone time. if anyone has any other advise i would like to know some other ways to make the problem easier to deal with.
Yes, the entertainment business IS hard on couples. (So is medical and fire/police)
So . . . you really have to decide if this is the way you want to spend your life.
I suggest that you concentrate on your OWN career so you have something to fill your time.
Sweety, after 6 years relationship most of the women go through a neglect phase. Its not related to him being a musician. Its coz men tend to concentrate more on career then but women are still concentrating on the relationship. When this phase enters our life, we need to change our focus into our career and our social life too. When he changes his focus, we need to change ours too to avoid being lonely and hurt always and there by inviting negativity to eat up our relation as it is.
I would imagine, with all his new found fame, that you Are feeling lonely and neglected and almost like on this "pay no mind list." I honestly don't think he means to leave you out of anything, and I don't think you "come second to his music," I just think he is getting so involved trying to Stay Up there now, that you are standing on the sidelines Allowing him to see past you.
What you need to do Now is, try to contribute as much of your own time with him and the band as you can. Do anything, try and help him in "supporting" him in other ways. Be part of the band in some way, not just emotionally, and perhaps this will even alleviate some of your fears for this lead singer.
Don't let his career and your insecurities come between you both Ever. You have both come too damn far to ruin all of this hard work and effort. This sounds to me like a very exciting time for you as well. And proudly you should stand beside this man, for you were One of the main reasons he has gotten this far for fame. Take a bow, and don't bow out, or even consider it. Even if you both need to sit and talk, this is the time NOW to do it.
Good luck...Let this be music to your ears instead.xx