Stuck in a vicious love cycle
DISCONTENTED TUNA - Apr 16 2014 at 22:39
Dear friends, I need an advice on my relationship that is getting on my nerves. I am in a two years old relationship with a guy who has been a friend earlier. The problem is that he has cheated on me a couple of times. I have seen some messages in his cell phone and also caught him with some girl at some cafe when he had told me he was just busy in office. I forgave him and we moved on but of course it affected our relationship very negatively. Now those issues are sorted somewhat but most of our fights are due to his undue appreciation of other women which sometimes leads to comparisons like: "she has better hair. she is taller. she carries herself better. she is far ahead than you in her career. I wish you were like her." These incidents have made me very conscious, less confident and insecure about my future with him. On the other hand, he seems very seriously in love with me. We have discussed marriage and we plan to live together. Our families know each other and are very happy for us. He tries to understand issues and apologizes immediately but this is a vicious cycle of hurting and apologizing. Please tell me what to do? Yours, Discontented Tuna
I am scared of taking that step because he is one person that I have loved the most and have sacrificed a lot for. All the energies that I have put in will go to waste. Is there no other solution for this?
Thanks for the support friends. What I cant understand is the fact that why do I still have such strong feelings for him? Why do I still love him? This is troubling. My insecurities are also pissing him off gradually but I have been forced to become an insecure person I wasnt before. in spite of all the problems, we still want the relationship to work. What kind of relationship is this? this is confusing me a lot.
DAR: How can we speak, how about a chat?
I am still romantically and emotionally connected to him and I am still interested in him. I want him to change his attitude somehow. I dont know how would that be possible? I am not brave enough to go for a break up. It can become disastrous.
Give him an ultimatum "ONE more time you compare me with someone else and I am OFF from this relationship." (Lets see how much he loves you.)
Dear Tuna, he is slowly trapping you in an emotionally abusive relationship. Not touching the cheating part, still his eyes are for other girls. Even if you accept that what business he has that he keeps comparing you to them? Give him a tit for tat. Keep comparing him with other guys. Lets see how it affects him. If he realizes and stops fine else you are done with this relationship.
I appreciate the hardwork you put into this relationship but its he who has to appreciate it and change, else whats the use? All this cycle of hurt and apologize will pile up and one day you can take it no more. By then you would have put in so many more years of energy and hardwork. Walking away will be even more difficult. Time to be strong girl, its now or never.
He cheated get rid......
He doe not respect you at all.
Leave his ass and get your life back!!!
Sweet Discontented Tuna,
Now that Mr. Mocho has had a taste of the Other half, he is this sort of rude and crude And Yes-----Arrogant pompous ass-----who is going to continue his pussy pattern of comparing and making you Compete with these sorts as well. He is trying to change you, now that he wants everything neatly in One prize package, but seriously----he doesn't love you for just you. There may be Some qualities that you possess that are fine as his "mold," let's say, but you are only this empty shell that he will always try to fill with Whatever he feels is the best plaster for this, and will never be happy until it is "set and dry" to his selfish liking. Get used to it.
Yes, this "vicious cycle of hurting and apologizing" will never cease, and unless you either have a long serious talk about changing things quickly around, it will continue incessantly. This behavior and problem will not only Remain "on your nerves," but will put a final nail in the competition and criticize coffin, until your relationship of two years ends up dying and You----with a broken heart.
Thank you for the help friends. I hate to say this but I have realized that I am being a coward. I need to be strong and face it. I know he doesnt respect me. He cant respect any other woman also because he thinks a woman has a natural ability to tolerate other women that her boyfriend wants to date or sleep with.