I need an outside opinion
my bf and I have been together for almost 3 years and have a wonderful baby boy.... we met at the bar I worked at and we both had a significant other at the time...I know that it was wrong for us to do this but we cheated on our others to be with each other. then i left my ex an he divorced his wife an we moved in together. we found out that I was Prego about 2 months after we moved in together. from about 3 months after we moved in together he has accused me of cheating on him with just about everyone around us. he even went as far to put a recorder in our house to try an prove that I was(witch I never have done to him)I couldn't have a phone or talk to any one with out him being right there to hear what was being said....if he asked me not to do something I didn't if he didn't want me to talk someone I didn't. I couldn't even be out of his sight with out him thinking that I was doing something wrong... I stopped working when I found out that I was Prego and he supported us for about 4 months... this has been going on for 2 years now....about 2 months ago I started a job an just about everyday when I came home he is always asking me who I was with an making mean comments that I wish that it was some one else in my bed things like that...I have asked him not to say things like that cuz it really hurts me....he wouldn't even go see his 5 yr old daughter out of state cuz he thinks that im cheating....so a few weeks ago he pushed me too far when he got MAD at me for going to see my sis after a surgery but I wasn't even gone more than 4 hrs. and an hour an a half of that time was driving to the hospital an home....we haven't really talked much since then. when I look at my son I know that I'm doing the right thing when I sent him to see his daughter for a while but I haven't told him that I didn't want him to come back. I just don't know how to tell him cuz I do love him an miss him but I don't want to live like this any more an I defiantly don't want to raise my son in an environment like this. he tells me that its my fault but I don't see what im doing wrong besides staying an putting up with this....does any one have any ideas or thoughts????
He has become this obsessive, possessive Control freak, and being he had cheated on his Ex wife, he Suddenly has had it in his head, over the years, that you are going to do the same to him as you Both had done to your-----"significant others." He is mind boggling getting carried away, and letting This consume his life, while he makes yours a living Hell and incessant nightmare. It's not good for you, and No----"you definitely don't want to raise your son in an environment like this."
You both need to sit down and have a long serious talk. If this doesn't help, for perhaps you have already gone down that road, then suggest the both of you going to therapy of some sort to get back on track again. No matter, Something drastic has to be done.
And while he is visiting his daughter, it's best you sent him away. It will give you a chance to do some serious soul searching, and if it would ever come down to it, take your daughter and go stay with a friend or family member. Maybe that will shake some sense into him. But you have got to take control of your life once again, and not let him dictate your every move, Nor accuse you of every tom, dick and harry.
He no doubt has issues, and I would call him "emotionally unstable," and this is not healthy for you or your son to be with him like this. He may even need professional help and medication.
How could you live with him all this time? I can't imagine living that way. He requires therapy for sure. Try and get him to it. Tell him that our son requires a stable environment and not an environment where every minute his father distrusts his mother.
This is only going to get worse.
His uncontrollable jealousy and insecurity almost borders on the paranoia - OR he is cheating himself with another girl (could that be a possibility?)
He refuses to be assured by you and your actions.
It's off to counseling for both of you - or leave him. He will make your life a living he((.
I finally got him to go to counseling an it helped a little but I don\'t think that it is enough though. thank you for replying and now all I have to do is figure out how I\'m going to tell him that I don\'t want to be like this anymore without a huge fight an him making me feel guilty for leaving him an telling me that this is all my fault again
Get out of this trap...... you will be freeing him too in the long run.
You both got together out of infidelity trust is damaged from the beginning you got together both attempting to overcome the problems in your existing relationship (at the time).
Fear, and control, lack of trust and lack of respect, is what is left between both of you now.
You are not happy, figure out why?
End this relationship, and be strong you can do this....