Is it time to move on
Ive been with my partner 12 years now. shes a loving careing person but things are difficult. I have had to change a lot over the years as I was unable to change her but felt I loved her enough. But things just seem to be getting worse. Iwil ad more details later as 12 years is a lot to explain. But at the moment if I think why an I with her the list is short. 1 she is kind and careing, 2 she has the loveliest Virgina, 3 she has a really naughty smile, 4 how would my 15 year old son cope with loosing her and our 13 year old dog, 5 what would I become without her.
Why do you want to go away from her?
I feel that when a couple have That much time and Love invested, but many problems, then something should have been done about it a long time ago. You both allowed this to continue, and with No compromise. Now you are Here, wondering whether or not, you should throw her to \\\"our 13 year old dog.\\\"
I believe it\\\'s high time for some serious counseling to get you both on the right track again. You both need to find out what went wrong, and bring things into prospective, or you won\\\'t make another 12 years together.
If things are getting no better, for with time, is Age, as you know, then it won\\\'t make a hill of bean difference How much you say you \\\"changed\\\" for your partner...She continues to stay the same, Only helping make this relationship a train wreck about to crash.
Seek professional guidance soon, or it will be too late. She may even have a hormonal imbalance, which affects the brain, and can cause mood swings and terrible problems.
Thanks for replies.
We go out every other sat night as my son Stays with his mum. I stale mattered my courier to bring up my son but tick over quite nicely. We lived together for 5 years and split then we got back together as we was getting on well. 3 years later she moved back in. shes since been back with me 4 years in that four years shes never paid me a bean in house keeping, at first it was to clear her depts. then she was out of work and since been in and out off work. Not all her thought. She does cook for us. a couple off weeks ago I took time off to get things done at home and encourage her to help, even though things were not to my standards I let them go. But she complained this hurts that hurts, then on returning to work I asked her to do about an hours bits a day round the house and suddenly shes shrunk into depression and lives on the sofa. The doctors prescribed anti depressants and recommended counselling. shes messy and burp, farts, pick her nose and eats it bites her nails and doesn\'t care where she is. Its very embarrassing, but she says she doesn\'t realize shes doing some of these things. she wont passionately kiss me anymore and for the last week shes not slept in our bed. The car she drives in bought by me. Im a little soft as you may tell and not without my faults of course. Her family are nightmare always letting her down and asking for help. I supported her threw University, quieting her carrier, trying self employment. she is quite helpful with my sons homework and computer bits lol. Shes put on weight yet always saying shes loosing it. We where due to marry next month but this was on terms that we both had secure incomes and other bits. 6 months ago we rescheduled the wedding for 2017. In the last couple off years Ive let a few off friends go one was bi-polo and I just couldn\'t handle her behavior any more, 2nd got with a women and there relationship was very messy and again i couldn\'t cope with her and against friends and family they have stayed together, the third turn out to be a nut case and her son to who now in prison so cut ties there. I cant seem to cope with people like that and I feel I tried to hard to long and coming up on 40 may-by I need to make changes now rather than nearer the wedding. We don\'t have kids as I didn\'t want anymore and she doesn\'t want kids but that always plays on my mind.
TIMEORNOT I understand your indecision and your loyalty to this woman. I would love to know how long she has been on the meds and is this the first time? Has there been a life altering event? I work as a Strategic Intervention Coach and my emphasis with people is on the six human needs, how we expect ours to be met, and how we meet others. If she is up to it, and even if she is not but you are, I would love to have a session or two and possibly give you some insight as to why she is doing what she is doing, how it can be changed in a snap, and how to get the passion back in your life. If this is something that interests you, feel free to email me at [e-mail address removed] and we can set up the session.
THANKS I will drop you a e-mail. She has been on and off the meds since before we met. same with me only i choose to stay on them and up and down my dosage as i see fit. she was classed as suffering SAD. so has a day lamp. She used to go away weekends a lot but as has no money and me not funding this time round is not. The dogs getting on and she really wants a puppy but again with no job security its somthing she cant have. She has applied for hundreds of jobs but only had a couple of interviews. If she got a job things would become easier. i think thats the main issue. with job comes weekends away and puppy. Then most off life would fall back to normal. just leaving the not so pleasant habbits behaviuor that i can cope with. but do i want to cope ??? thats what im asking myself too.
I think its time for a serious stern talk. Because you are soft, I feel she has not taken you seriously (soft people always are taken advantage of by others). But even soft people have a limit of taking it all. Since you have reached your limit, its time for you to show sternness in talking about it to her. If she agrees to work on herself and the relationship, you both need to come up with an agreement on things to improve in the relation. May be take a paper and pen and put it down?