What to do, what to do
I got out of a long term relationship with my girlfriend 2 months ago (maybe about a year and a half long) and have been getting really close to one of my female friends ever since. I did not exactly make any advances towards her in the first place, she started the constant conversations, snapchats, and food runs we've been doing for awhile. But I have always had some feelings for her ever since I met her (I've known her for two years). And now that we are always talking and seeing each other, my low key feelings for her have erupted into something I don't think I can keep hidden much longer.
Now normally I'm sure this would sound like a no brainer. "Just tell her you idiot." But there are some circumstances that make me hesitant to do so.
1: Her ex. They split up back in December. But they had leased an apartment together and he is occasionally around. Her and I are both music majors, and she had her Junior Recital last Friday. I was all geared up and ready to tell her. I had an escape planned in case things went sour seeing as I had a gig this weekend. Everything was set for me. But, he showed up. Now this was rather puzzling to me. Considering how she told me that they both mutually decided to split up months ago and she didn't really want to see him again. But she didn't exactly seem bothered that he was there. Maybe a bit content. So this was pretty off putting and made me really tense and she certainly noticed and asked me about it later. Which I proceeded to brush off and said it was a conversation for another day.
2: My fear of losing her. Seeing as we've gotten so close she's become a part of my support system. Being a music performance major is a stressful life. And I can get pretty panicky at times. But she always calms me down and makes me happy again. I'm EXTREMELY afraid that telling her that I have romantic feelings for her will scare her away and I will never speak to her again.
3: My fear of telling her. I don't do this often. I've only had 3 relationships and they've all been semi serious and over a year long. I don't have much experience confessing my feelings due to the fact that all of my previous relationships have pretty much started without any kind of conversation. One day they just happened. I know that sounds dumb. But, its always happened like that. I've never had to confess my feelings before.
The most difficult part of this is that I just can't tell if she feels the same way or not. I'm sure she knows because I'm sure I make it pretty obvious. If other people are asking me if I have feelings for her based on the way they see me act around her, I'm sure she can see it too.
I've been planning on telling her for weeks but it never really felt like the right time. I have two performances this week and after my one on Friday we are going out to eat. I think I'm going to try and talk to her about it while I walk her back to her apartment.
So my question for you is: Should I go through with this? Is the reward really worth the risk? Or should I just try to move on and forget about it. And pretty much anything else you would have to say about the subject would be much appreciated.
The choice to tell her has to be yours. If you tell her and you loose her for it, she's not worth having as a friend. You deserve love and to be loved back. You're not alone, even if you loose her. This is a GREAT big world....and I am sure there are more girls in the music program as well. Don't put all of your cookies in one basket. You are too young. If it means that much to you that you will loose her as a friend then maybe you should not tell her and get a new girl to fill that love need.
Also, never forget you have this forum and lots of people here will listen and help you.