Is this the beginning of depression? if yes, how do I overcome it without anyone knowing
ok... so let's start with a little background for my problem ....
I'm from India, I wanted commerce but had to take science because my parents asked me to atleast give it a try. I HATED SCIENCE. I ALWAYS BELIEVED THAT COMMERCE WOULD BE PERFECT FOR ME. I LOVED IT. Had i opted for commerce, i would have been atleast in the top 5 ( no kidding ) my lack of interest was clearly visible in my class, my grades went down ( I failed in three out of 5 subjects! ) To add fuel to the fire, my sister got diagnosed with schizophrenia. she used to call me names and what not! my parents were very upset. I couldn't tell tell them how I really felt about my studies. I secretly used to cry myself to sleep. because of all this mess I couldn't concentrate in my studies. my attendance became very short. I stopped talking to everyone. then came a guy, i used to talk to him day and niight about random stuff and i obviously ended up liking him. he didn't like me back. that was the first and the only time I ever cried for a guy :3 everything was a mess. i didn't talk to anyone except this one guy ( I didn't tell him about my circumstances though! ) My studies were all messed up (which was a big shock for me ) and I couldn't tell it to my parents because I believed they already had too much to deal with.my sister wanted me dead (although she didn't want to kill me). I was the only one supporting my parents ... but I had no shoulder to lean on... i tried to talk to my principal/nun/counsellor to change my stream and give me commerce but she said it was very selfish of me to disobey and make my parents unhappy andd well i believed her :3 i tried again, failed again, cried everyday, cut myself, FINALLY talked to my parents. I was taken to another counsellor, she advised to drop one year since the very glimpse of that school made me want to cut myself. i went to a psychiatrist after that who prescribed some medicines. In the same week, i went to my school again to complete some paperwork, i met my principal, when she got to know that I was taking medicines, she asked me to stop that, annd well she can be persuasive :3 I did stop. the medicines were making me avoid the trauma .. but my parents were still going through it and it was very insensitive of me to see only my parents suffering even when the entire thing happening was my fault. If I had done something, I wanted to man up and face it and not take some medicines that would make me wanna forget it. I eventually became better.
year 2014: right now, everything is back to normal! :D my sister is good now. my parents are almost happy. I don't give a rat's *** about that guy anymore :3 buttttt I've started crying on stupid things again :| and one more problem is, whenever someone asks me why I didn't do science, my eyes become teary.. i feel like crying! idk why. probably because i feel like a loser :3 i need to know how to stop it without telling about it to my family and friends :3 pls help? :3 i am joining a new school and starting a new life, i don't want it to get affected by my past :3 pls tell me if this thing is happening again?
It sounds to me as though you've been to Hell and back, sweetie, and I'm sure none of it was easy for you. However, you made it through the rain, and everything else looks as though it has ironed itself out as well, thank God.
If you feel depression, mood swings, and things haunting you from the past are Now starting to creep up on you, making you weepy and worried, then it is time to go see a professional again and let he or she prescribe something to put things back into prospective. Some counseling as well, of course, goes hand in hand. You're starting a new life, and you don't want this following you. If you feel it is not getting any better, now is the time to make that appointment.
Your sister has a condition, it obviously runs somewhat in your family. You yourself may be starting with Depression. Don't let it get to you. Do something soon.
Multiple things wrong in here.
1. That Principal ....she is not a doc. Just coz of some beliefs of hers she cannot play with a person's future!! DO NOT LISTEN to her.
2. Stopping medicines on your own....wrong decision. You need to meet your doc once again and let the doc decide. Would you want to ruin your days in this new school too? Meet the doc at the earliest. The symptoms you are saying about requires medical attention.
3. You hold yourself responsible for the mess but how the hell are you responsible?? You had made it very clear to your parents that science is not your choice. You tried it for them. So isn't it their fault if you couldn't manage? You even spoke to the Principal to change stream. For her own selfish interests (to avoid the tedious procedure for such a change and to avoid paying back the fee difference) she managed to counsel you back into science stream. To top it she asked you to stop taking medicines? Why? Is it coz she feared that her decision of not allowing you to change stream and resulting in this state would come back and affect her reputation? So whose fault is that?
Glad to know its a new beginning for you. Please don't ruin it by not meeting the doc. You were in no way responsible for what had happened including the guy in your life. Its natural for girls at this age to fall for some guy or another. So focus now on the future and wish you all the best.
I'm facing almost the exact thing all because of science stream. :'( now I hate CBSE