Who can I get guidance from?
Both of my parents are mentally unstable. In my early years all my parents did was fight and smoke cigarettes around me and my brother.
on the last day of kindergarden I was the target of an attempted kidnaping at the hands of my mothers mom. that day I sat in the office at the school, as if it were a courthouse. my moms family on one side and my dad on the other side. I stood in the middle of the room at the end with the officers who were called to decide where I should go. The police left me with my mother until the court could decide who would be fitting as a parent. from that day on I lived in a hotel with my brother and mom for a few weeks to a month long, and had a birthday there, away from my dad.. sometime later the court hearing finished and I was sent to live with my dad. Living with my dad wasnt actually living with my dad.. He worked from 6am to 7pm to make enough money for his cigarette addiction and alcohol consumption every night after work. I was left at home in an apartment building with nobody to watch me but Alcoholics child rapists and druggies who occasionally came by because they had nowhere else to live. This continued throughout my whole life and they still live in our home at times. My dad has recently taken into our home a girl who has said to be raped(which i dont believe) only because he gets her food stamp money to buy food for himself so he can continue to buy alcohol to drink every night and cigarettes to smoke while he plays casino games. He blames me for needing to smoke and drink every single night of his life and that led to me getting cancer,He would smoke 2 packs a day inside the house....Now ive grown up but nobody else has, Im 24 and i still live the same life with these people. I cant get a job because the medications ive been on my whole life cost about 25,000$ a month so Im left on ssa or ssi.
My brother recently attacked me from behind with the lights off in the house, he broke my skull, my back, my jaw, my neck and my nose. he also stomped my throat in just before choking me to sleep. Then my dad called the police on me because he believes whatever my brother tells him and my brother told him a bunch of lies about how I started the fight and so on.. I have blurred vision in my right eye now and problems eating. Ive gone to the doctors but because of where we live the hospitals dont really care about helping patients, they just want us in then out and to get paid. I have extreme nerve damage so I dont always feel pain through my injuries but I know they exist because I can hear the grinding and cracking of the bones, swelling, dizziness, unbalanced, sometimes sick. Just the other day I was celebrating my daughters first birthday and on that day my brother broke into my room with a butterknife for the third time. I got back home and told my dad and he just started yelling at me. He raged over all of his problems and how he was so happy we were over the age of 18 now, how he was happy he could move and leave us behind finally. he didnt even try talking with me about the things my brother was doing. My brother also left broken glass in the kitchen despite knowing that my 1 year old walks around in there and tries eating whatever she can pick up. Ive tried talking to my brother casually and he just acts all crazy. hes never had any friends and just stays on the computer all day long when hes not leaving messes or doing things in the house to cause harm to others.My whole life I have been without a family, without guidance, without love and without friends. I need the name of somebody or a program that can help better my life without harming the lives around me. I just want to move on without leaving a wake or a trace of my existence to effect anybody else.
and of course there is much more to my story but Im not very good at writing and there is just so much in my life that I have never talked about with anybody. My body actually has started to shut where Im going mute and def because my dad yells so much and my earsdrums are bruised all the time and im going mute because I have nobody to talk to ever. I never planned on having a child this young. I tried to use protection and I was even told that My cancer left me sterile where I couldnt have a child but somehow I did. now my only goal in life is to create a family full of love and happiness. but I dont know where to go from here.