Should I even bother with this guy?
AMYSIMMONDSXO - Apr 29 2014 at 21:43
Okay so heres the deal; please do not judge me on what has been going on, I just want some friendly advice. I am really confused.
A couple of years ago this guy added me on facebook after he saw my pictures and we immediately clicked, we pretty much had exactly the same dark sense of humour, were constantly throwing banter at eachother and it felt like we had known eachother for years.
We had planned to meet up, and in the past 8 months our talking has become a lot more intense, i would say the longest we will go without talking is five days and on average we talk about every 3 days. He is always the one to inisiate a conversation, and sometimes if i dont reply for a couple of days he will mention that he thought i had given up with him.
The conversations are very intense, from us telling eachother we like eachother to talking about how strange the situation is, and how we wouldnt normally feel so comfortable around someone we havent met.
I then popped a very big question about whether he had a girlfriend, as it was on his status for a while. Thinking he would say no and it was just something he hadnt changed, he told me he did. I got angry and said i deserved a lot more respect and he said he was so sorry and understood why i was upset, and asked me to call him so he could explain because "its so much more complicated than it seems". he said that he acted dumb because of who i was, and he felt like an idiot.. This was when i said "it was nice knowing you, while it lasted"
Two weeks later, he came running back. He kept saying it wasnt simple again, and how he liked me, and how he was sorry. I started speaking to him again but on my own terms, and when he tried to flirt i wouldnt have it. He would ask me if i still felt uncomforfable, and i would say yes.
Then my phone got stolen, and i couldnt get hold of him via his number so i let him know on facebook by re adding him and saying what had happened. He didnt respond.
As soon as i got a new phone, he started to talk to me straight away. This is when he started dropping the "i thought youd given up on me" act.
Since then its been constant flirting. I cant help it - i like him so much. But i feel shit all the time - am i his sidechick? Does he even.care for me? I keep thinking that je MUST like me if hes been talking to me with no meet for so long, and had come running back to me after i stopped talking. what should i do!
Firstly I want to address the action you took in saying "It was nice knowing you, while it lasted". That was VERY presumptuous, to that he was leading you on or not. Which he didn't seem like it. Also he apologized and you just seemed to throw him away? He made a mistake he realized and apologized? Does he deserve a second chance? Why so strict in this regard? That's a very mean thing to do, what if you made a mistake like that and he suddenly said pretty much out of no where goodbye, when admitting you made a mistake? I don't agree with that course of action.
I also don't get this respect malarkey? He was talking to you as a friend and the moment you realize there is no potential for a relationship you get upset? You're his friend aren't you? Is being just a friend not good enough? It's not like he made any romantic advances on you. You had friendly banter, there's nothing wrong with that. I don't get why you acted this way? Was it all over the status? That he forgot to change?
I'm very very very confused. Unless there is something you fail to mention your actions to me seem heavily irrational.
Also what do you define as flirting exactly? Since from what you mention at the beginning which I presume if your chat experiences with this person which don't seem very flirtatious to me. If he makes romantic advances like, saying I love you, you're cute, calling you pet names like sweet heart and love. I see no issue.
If he keeps coming back to talk to you then he does care about you obviously or he wouldn't keep coming back. One assumes he likes you as a friend, if it's more than that he needs to sort out his relationship. However even if he does love you, your actions are over-reactions. Dropping him immediately with no questioning or consideration of his situation.
He clearly cares for your feelings as he asked if you were comfortable or not. And why do you think his "i thought youd given up on me" thing is an act? It seems very much real to me, if I was in that situation I'd probably think that too, considering how you acted.
I think you should firstly, figure out if this is actually a problem. Is he actually being flirtatious is he acting romantic towards you? If no, then there's no problem. If he is there's a problem. He needs to stop, talk and negotiate with him to make this happen. If he keeps doing it and he is actually romantically flirting with you then if that still makes you uncomfortable and after telling him to stop he makes no effort to do so, cut him off to get over your feelings and then go back if you want.
I hope that helped, good luck with this situation, I hope you have a wonderful day :)