Insecurity and trust issues
I have never used a forum or a website like this before but I have no idea where else to go with this.
Me and my boyfriend have an amazing relationship, we're in a long distance relationship between America and Europe, so it's harder than any thing I've done before- although it's worth it. I see him every 2 months for 3/4 weeks and I love him more than I could ever explain.
Seems good right? Well there's only one thing that stands between us, and makes this relationship so hard for both of us, and thats my own insecurity. I really love him, but I'm so insecure about myself that I dont believe him when he says I'm the only one for him. I just feel like I'm waiting for the day that he finally realizes that he can get someone way better than me. He keeps telling me that he loves me, he says I'm beautiful even if I know I look like crap and he really tries his hardest to make me feel comfortable. .
I also compare myself to others, and I always come off badly. Just looking at a girl in the street who glances at him makes me feel so bad, because usually they have everything I don't. I'll see a beautiful girl in a movie and see I'm not as good as her, and can't be. He constantly tells me how much he loves me and that i'm an amazing girlfriend, and always tells me i'm beautiful, even when i'm not feeling rubbish from seeing a gorgeous girl on the street.
My boyfriend is so understanding and is amazing with the way he makes me feel so happy and so loved, but this is something with is often on my mind, even though it's usually really small and pushed to the back. However, once in a while it surfaces and my insecurities come out badly, which ends in me arguing whilst he tries to make it better, and I end up really hurting him. In moments of upset I've told him I understand if he left me because he can get so much better, which really upsets him as he sees us together with no consideration of a break, yet as hard as he tries sometimes I just can't listen to him.
My first real relationship was with someone who cheated on me, lied to me repetitively and abused me mentally. Ever since then I trust no one, I lost my self love and I let every relationship fall apart because people can't handle my insecurities and trustissues.
Please tell me what to do, I don't want to lose my boyfriend because of this, he really loves me and I really love him but I know that if I don't work on this it will tear us apart.
I am exactly like you. It has been going on since my husband of 15 years fell in love with a 17 year old girland we ended divorcing because of trust issues and insecurities. I have tried several relationships but does not seem to be able to trust because I feel insecure. I have a great man in my life as of now who always reassures me , tells me I am the most beautiful, intelligent , wonderful me and that he loves me. I have a hard time accepting it because of my past marriage and because he has a job in clubs , as a musician, always surrounded by attractive, younger and more beautiful women( I think , because like you I always compare). They are all after him but he is not after them , he finds them drunk and trashy. Even though I have no reason to not believe what he tells me, I still feel insecure that I witness or not the bar scene. It is so disgusting and revolting that it is hard for me to believe that he can really love me after spending entire evenings being hit on by younger but drunk women. It outrages me to think I put myself through that though I know I love him deeply because outside of his job , he is a great and sweet man to me .
I also hurt him when I approach him with these issues but it seems I can't help it because feeling insecure really hurts inside! We are truing to work things out, I am doing a lot of reading , therapy and trying to change my thinking but some days I am , and therefore he is, a mess.