Undecided if I should break up
NECTARNATURE - May 1 2014 at 11:06
I have a long distance relationship with a guy who lives quite far away. I am 21, he is 22
He is dominant and really protective of me. The protectiveness is sometimes sweet, sometimes ughhh... He gets angry at stupid things. I didn’t tell him I was going out with friends, he got angry and he pointed out that he does tells me when he’s going out, because I don’t. I didn’t find telling him necessary, we are so very far away. This is very anti-me.
He gets jealous easily, it feels possessive. I know for a fact, he isn’t who I am going to end up with, as a life partner.
I have had to stop him when he’s crossing the line on disrespectful, and have wanted to end it, but cannot fully convince myself, as we have plans to meet, and I’m not sure on my feelings. I love him, but this is weird to me. I wish I could wake up and know what to do.
He's sweeter now that I've wanted to leave him, being careful so as not to loose me.. and fix our relationship.
We have fought so much… and It feels a bit damaged … I just don’t know what to do. :? Sometimes I tell myself, I am so young, what the hell am I doing, without a nicer relationship, but I am so excited about seeing him. In so many words, my heart and my head seem confused.
"I know for a fact, he isn’t who I am going to end up with, as a life partner." I think this answers your question. If this is truly what you believe, then it's better to break it off sooner rather than later. It basically says you're going to break up anyway, so why prolong that?
Going on an alternative route that your not sure about this. Then I think the relationship can be salvaged. He can learn and change from his mistakes. He cannot be possessive and overly jealous when you're physically together that just won't work. He has to understand you're your own independent person, you do other things, you don't need to record everything you do to report to him later, he needs to have faith in you. Those are things that have to be done for a healthy relationship.
He also needs to clearly understand this line of disrespect. To be wary not to cross it.
Your relationship certainly is damaged if you try at it, it can be fixed. But if you can't see yourself with him in the future, break it off, you're leading him on, it'd be better for both of you to get over these feelings.
My interpretation of these events are that you are scared that when you break off the relationship, you're effectively breaking off the friendship. That is what it sounds like to me. Taking your projection of the future to be true. You still want to be friends so you stick in the relationship to continue this connection with him, this is your feeling of current "love" you're holding onto the fact that it is love, and this confuses you because this isn't what you want out of a relationship. Your head is telling you, that you want to keep this person in your life, but as what? You've come to close been through soo much, you don't want to throw that all away, you want that contact. You're even one step closer to meeting him in person, getting to know him better. I think this is what causes the confusion.
In conclusion if you can't imagine the prospect of him being your life partner, end it, no question. In a relationship you go with the person you want to keep around in your life forever in a romantic fashion. If you're unsure on that statement, you can consider trying to fix it, but communicating it to him and hoping he tries to fix it, if you truly want it to work out , if that is worth the struggle.
I hope that helped you, I wish you the best of luck in your relationship, and have a wonderful day =)