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Rightfully incredulous?

CUPHEA
- May 5 2014 at 07:25
Member since: Mar 2014
Other advice I moved out of my boyfriend’s apartment in the beginning of April due to his (drinking problem, demands, and “bitchiness”) however we didn’t break up because he told me he wasn’t mad at me and that he wanted to fix things. He was so much nicer now that we were no longer living together. He wasn’t a bitch anymore, but he still pushed me on the subject of moving back in after just a few days. When playing chess he wasn’t so serious anymore and I also no longer had all the chores around the apt to do on my own. He paid for everything and basically did anything I wanted. I felt both that I was taking advantage of him, and incredulous of this behavior being long-lasting and also…. I wanted to be on my own. So I ended the relationship.

The day I broke up with him he was saying things like (text), “you’re breaking up the family” (regarding his daughter) and “how could you abandon us.” I didn’t reply to any of it. The next day he called me (I didn't answer) so he texted me that he loves me, he wants to make it work, he wanted me to think on what he’s said, explains how much he appreciated me, how he wants to become a better person, how he wants me to call him, he would send “romantic clip art,” using my favorite things as bribes, he’s apologized for his previous attitude, he’s telling me I can have my freedom I desire as long as I give the relationship another try, and so many other text messages.

I’ve broken up with a guy before… but it wasn’t like this. The last guy I broke up with was very sad when I told him which made me sad. When I left his place to go back to mine I thought for sure that he would call me and ask to give the relationship another try I would have said yes in a heartbeat. But he didn’t. He returned my belongings to me and then three weeks later he called me wanting me back because he loved me and he also didn’t understand the reason I ended the relationship. (The main reasons I ended it was because he was my first bf, immature, and was too bold at times.) By then I was well-equipped in the new situation I was in, so I was able to say no to the offer.

What does this say about the two guys I dated (both were serious relationships 1.5+years)? I will call the boyfriend I just broke up with B and my pervious A. The reasons I broke up with A were almost bad reasons compared to B. I had broken up with A because I thought he was immature when it turns out B is even more so. "A" had the politeness to let me be for at least three weeks… B is in panic mode trying to swoon/manipulate me back into the relationship via text message. A was also immediately sad/hurt while B was more so angry at first and then super-nice. My intuition is that there is nothing almost wrong with the reaction B had. And that's the main reason I do not want to give the relationship another try. Am I not alone in these feelings?

Rightfully incredulous?

PARADOX
- May 5 2014 at 23:50
Member since: May 2014
Hi Cuphea,

Those reactions can be normal at times, but like anger or revenge, it's not right. I think the warning signs already pooped up as soon as you mentioned drinking problems and demands. He didn't sound like a charmer. Getting angry out of surprise seems normal, but why you should really stay away from B is how he tried to get you back. He was first angry, then tried to guilt trip you, and then tried to sweet talk you, then bribe you. As sad as it is to say I really don't think those are signs that he really loved you that much, and you are right in thinking you should stay away and keep your distance. Hope this helps, and best of luck!

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