A problem shared is a problem....
Hello, my recent relationship just ended two days ago. We were together for six months. I was really happy and surprised it ended so suddenly. My partner was separated and a mother of two children. Their marriage broke up two years prior to me meeting her. The marriage broke up because her husband was treating her badly, he bullied her in their marriage.
She told me that she had problems with feeling guilty about the break up of the marriage and some times found she would feel guilt about bringing children into an un happy marriage.
Our relationship started quite quickly, and I thought it was going well.
I don't want this to be too long so I will move to the break up. We had arranged to meet up as we normally did, before I left to go see her I got a text message explaining that she felt she couldn't take the next natural step in a relationship.
I went to see her to talk, she said that she has been emotionally up and down recently and that she couldn't take the next step and that it was not my fault. She said she thought she had turned the corner on the problems with feeling guilt in relation to her separation and what had gone in the past. She explained that she felt I would be missing out on things such as having children and being married because those are things she couldn't see her self wanting to do again. She said she felt guilty about this and that she might need to back to seeing a councillor.
I asked if this is something that we could work through together and she said no. She wanted some space and that it was nothing to do with me that it was her. She said she didn't know how she felt and that she might have been trying to fill a void with our relationship.
I told her that I was happy with her and that's all that mattered the kids marriage thing was not hugely important to me. Her response was how can you say that. Its because I love her and love being with her.
I am hoping she will change her mind and want to work things out, I know this is long thanks for reading I hope its coherent. Hard to pull all the information together as there is a lot going on.
It is hard when someone you love ends things,this could be because both of you rushed into things too quickly in the beginning.
I gather from her that she needs space time out to think...... she has been through alot and has children to consider. It is also possible she has trust issues from her previous negative relationship, marriage.
I think she was honest with you, and I believe she is still dealing with and trying to heal or recover from this massive life changing event. She is kind enough to not want to involve you in what is happening to her. I understand you care and naturally want to help her. She probably does not want to depend on anyone. She has just left a controlling marriage, it is too soon and you will be caught up in the after math.
Her going back to counseling is very good thing for her. By her continuing with you she would be still avoiding what is going on for her now. I think it is important for her to be able to face what happening herself alone.For her too find the tools to cope move on and learn for herself,and her kids. I say she has been on this quest a long time and I think you helped her alot in that. The rest she has to do alone. Give her that time.
You are right, it would be hard to leave things but there is no other choice. I just hope it all works out for her, hard to see some one go through such a hard time.