Where to begin?
I have been married to my 2nd husband for about 5 years now. My first marriage was 12 years. My husband deals with depression, chronic back pain, sleep apnea and has severe anger issues. I also believe that he is narcissistic. We cannot seem to communicate well. Every time I try to bring up things that are really bothering me in our relationship, he turns it onto himself and what he is going through and just does not listen to me. He has called me names, throws things a lot in anger and has some serious issues with his childhood which he refuses to talk to me about. We tried counseling about a year ago but he refused to go any longer saying it won't do any good and that it is stupid. He makes me feel that everything bad in his life is my fault. Just a note - I am his third wife. He expects to be catered to and no matter how many times I have asked him, refuses to help around the house. I have done everything house-wise our entire marriage (cleaning, paying bills, grocery shopping, etc.). I have 3 stepsons that are all grown and gone and one biological daughter that is also grown. We have been empty nesters for about 6 months and I was hoping that things would change since it is "our house" but no luck. If I ask him about these things, it just makes him angry. He says his job is too stressful and he needs to relax at home, even on the weekends. I do house stuff on the weekends. He will do fun stuff with me but no actual house work. He will however, get up at 5 in the morning every Sunday to golf. I work full time as well. He is not affectionate and I have many times mentioned in normal conversation that I would love for him to tell me he loves me or kiss me or hug me or something. He seems to listen but it just doesn't happen. The TV is on constantly from the second he gets home until we go to bed, its on all hours of the weekend as well. I've asked if we could have some nights without TV where we could play a game, or cards or just be together. I feel that the TV on all the time hampers communication. I feel that he will never be able to meet my needs and really just doesn't care because he is too focused on himself and what he is going through and I am not sure what to do at this point. Feeling frustrated and about ready to give up.
The truth is it is who they are. I have a brother who is the exact same way with his wife. I looked up to my brother growing up and found myself a man just like him. Let me tell you something it does not change. My sister in law told me while dating this man that he would never change and if she could go back in time she would do it differently. I decided not to listen and find myself in the same predicament. Now don't quote me on they never change because there are the few that do. What you need to think about is what your worth and if you feel you deserve better. I wish i was able to have once stood up for myself because i feel my life would have been completely different. Its up to you to know whether enough has been enough. Try writing a list of what makes you happy and what makes you sad, compare the two and remove the negative. As for him being bitter about his childhood, that was my boyfriend completely. He came from a lower class had a rough childhood full of abuse and jail. I came from a "well brought up" household. I am constantly being punished for living differently than him and dealing with him being jealous i am able to have things he could have never. Remember that forever doesn't always have to be forever , sometimes it could mean one second. Make yourself happy and that means doing what you know is right