Can my marriage survive his 4 yr affair
I've been married for 32 years have 3 adult children and 3 grandchildren. A year ago I discovered my husband was having an affair. I gave him a chance to save our marriage and he ended it or so he said. He told me it was a fling and she meant nothing. 3 days ago I found out that he was still seeing her. I made him confront her with me to tell her it was over and that he loved me. She said that they were considering leaving their partners to be together, that the only reasons he stayed were for our children and because of financial ties. He couldn't say he didn't love her and he walked out. He came back after 3 hours and we talked and takes about it all and he said he loved me and wanted to stay with me. We talked about the finances and how I would never have turned the children against him. We then phoned the woman together and on loudspeaker he told her his decision. She then got upset and started saying I knew nothing of what was going on- so I asked her. It turned out he had still been lying to me about the details of their affair. It had been on and off over 4 years. He didn't deny any of it but he got angry and told her it was over he was staying with me and it had to end. The trouble is can our marriage recover? He told her he didn't find me physically attractive. He experimented with all sorts sexually with her whereas he and I only had "normal" intercourse as I didn't like anything else. He told her she was his best friend ever and that he couldn't see his life without her in it. He told her that in a straight choice between her and me there's be no competition. How do I get over this? I don't want my life turned upside down but can I ever trust him again?
Hi wow you must be still in huge shock and still have not processed it all.
I suggest counseling for both of you 32 years is a life time with someone. If he will not go you go you need support. You both need some support from the outside neutral.
Either way you do not have to make a decision today....... take it easy. This is not your fault, and you need to mind yourself in this,you come first from now on. Massive betrayal, never compare yourself to her, she has let woman kind down. You are a way too good for him,and deserve better.
You will get over this when you are good and ready..... take small steps.....
I wish you luck.....and I hope you find peace within yourself again, you deserve love and trust......
Hello, C4TH. Wow, I mentioned on this site about my ex husband's affair, but we were only married 10 years. I can't imagine 32 years of life with someone who betrays you so horrificly. As I always say, people are not always who they appear to be. This stuff is very difficult. You don't want to hear this, but this is a selfish, dishonest man you're dealing with. You need to divorce him and try to forget. Seek therapy if you need to. It took me a year to recover from my own shock and betrayal, but I recovered, and I'm looking for someone to spend the rest of my life with. It was especially painful for me because he cheated with my schizophrenic sister. But I ignored all the red flags. Sometimes love makes us blind, but we need to open our eyes, our minds, and the doors to new opportunities. As they say, when one door closes another opens. This will be extremely painful after 32+ years with this man, but it's time to move on. Good luck, Honey.
I don't think you will be able to get 'over this'!
I esp don't like the way he doesn't 'find you sexually attractive' any more...do you still find him attractive? He could have asked you about 'sexual extermination' but didn't.
Have you told the 'children'? Why don't you take a vacation alone and do some thinking about what you want, maybe a cruise?, and talk to some men of the appropriate age to see if they find you attractive?
This really has to have f---ed with your head!
Let us know how things work out!
Remember: "The Bitch is Back" Elton John
God Bless, Whatsup