I am disgusted with myself; I lied about my age!
Hi. First of all, I don't want any judgments, I'm judging myself all the time. I am so upset because this is so unlike me. I value honesty in relationships, and I wouldn't want anyone to lie to me. What happened is I met this wonderful man online. It was on a forum where I didn't need to post my age, so it's not like I lied to everyone on the site. We really clicked, and I really like him. The only thing is, when I found out he was 30, (I'm 54) I told him I was 40. This was three months ago and since then we've been very close, exchanging e-mails, and we want to meet each other. He told me that the age gap is hard for him, which makes me feel even more guilty. I know he will be very hurt when I tell him the truth, and I know that's what I need to do. If I were on the other side of the fence, so to speak, I'd feel very betrayed, upset, and confused because, as I said, I value honesty. I've never done anything like this before. how do I go about telling him? And, do you think he will stay?
Thank you, Pepper. If only it were that easy! I just can't bring myself to tell him, "Hey, you know how I said I'm 40? Well, I'm actually almost 54. I've been deceiving you for 3 months, but will you please marry me anyway?" I really do love him, and I know he loves me too. But I'm scared that when I admit I lead him on, he will break up with me before we even get a chance to meet. It's getting worse, with my birthday coming up in a week. He thinks I'll be 41; I'll actually be 54. (When I said 54 I meant going to be in a week.) I'm afraid and I don't know how to tell him or explain why I violated his trust as well as my own principle of honesty. I have no idea how old his mom is, but I know that's not your point. This is so unusual as I'm generally a very secure, confident, honest person. The only other time I've lied about my age was when I was underage and wanted to get in a bar. I did that one time, but I'm more mature than that now. I'm a very intelligent, rational, reliable person, this time I just... I need help, and know what to do but can't bring myself to fix my transgression!
Just sent him an e-mail with the truth, before I could change my mind. Awaiting his response, I could throw up now. I know I deserve it if he breaks up with me, but I'd hate to lose a perfect relationship all for a number. But he was honest about everything with me, so I guess it serves me right.
Don't worry too much the fact that you told him the truth should stand for something.
Give him some space to digest the news and wait and see.....
Oh my God, I'm so relieved--embarrassed, but relieved. I heard back from him and it was what I least expected. apparently I was boneheaded enough to actually tell him something about where I was during the first moon landing! How could I be so stupid? I don't remember saying that, but he says he then commented on our age gap because he was waiting for me to come clean. He's easygoing, and I give him credit for not confronting me. He says he wanted me to tell him when I was ready, but he got this idea like maybe I was 70 or something. I said oh Gosh no, just 54, I promise. He is such an awesome guy!!!
Pepper, you may be right, but please don't ruin my happiness for now? And age is just a number!