I am disgusted with myself; I lied about my age!
on May 7 2014 at 22:53
Hi. First of all, I don't want any judgments, I'm judging myself all the time. I am so upset because this is so unlike me. I value honesty in relationships, and I wouldn't want anyone to lie to me. What happened is I met this wonderful man online. It was on a forum where I didn't need to post my age, so it's not like I lied to everyone on the site. We really clicked, and I really like him. The only thing is, when I found out he was 30, (I'm 54) I told him I was 40. This was three months ago and since then we've been very close, exchanging e-mails, and we want to meet each other. He told me that the age gap is hard for him, which makes me feel even more guilty. I know he will be very hurt when I tell him the truth, and I know that's what I need to do. If I were on the other side of the fence, so to speak, I'd feel very betrayed, upset, and confused because, as I said, I value honesty. I've never done anything like this before. how do I go about telling him? And, do you think he will stay?
on May 8 2014 at 00:00
Thank you, Pepper. If only it were that easy! I just can't bring myself to tell him, "Hey, you know how I said I'm 40? Well, I'm actually almost 54. I've been deceiving you for 3 months, but will you please marry me anyway?" I really do love him, and I know he loves me too. But I'm scared that when I admit I lead him on, he will break up with me before we even get a chance to meet. It's getting worse, with my birthday coming up in a week. He thinks I'll be 41; I'll actually be 54. (When I said 54 I meant going to be in a week.) I'm afraid and I don't know how to tell him or explain why I violated his trust as well as my own principle of honesty. I have no idea how old his mom is, but I know that's not your point. This is so unusual as I'm generally a very secure, confident, honest person. The only other time I've lied about my age was when I was underage and wanted to get in a bar. I did that one time, but I'm more mature than that now. I'm a very intelligent, rational, reliable person, this time I just... I need help, and know what to do but can't bring myself to fix my transgression!
on May 8 2014 at 01:28
Just sent him an e-mail with the truth, before I could change my mind. Awaiting his response, I could throw up now. I know I deserve it if he breaks up with me, but I'd hate to lose a perfect relationship all for a number. But he was honest about everything with me, so I guess it serves me right.
on May 8 2014 at 01:35
Don't worry too much the fact that you told him the truth should stand for something.
Give him some space to digest the news and wait and see.....
on May 8 2014 at 02:32
Oh my God, I'm so relieved--embarrassed, but relieved. I heard back from him and it was what I least expected. apparently I was boneheaded enough to actually tell him something about where I was during the first moon landing! How could I be so stupid? I don't remember saying that, but he says he then commented on our age gap because he was waiting for me to come clean. He's easygoing, and I give him credit for not confronting me. He says he wanted me to tell him when I was ready, but he got this idea like maybe I was 70 or something. I said oh Gosh no, just 54, I promise. He is such an awesome guy!!!
on May 8 2014 at 02:50
Pepper, you may be right, but please don't ruin my happiness for now? And age is just a number!