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Confusing behavior from my ex

Posted by
on May 8 2014 at 02:19
Member since: 08 May 2014
Relationship advice This is going to be somewhat long... but this is the shortest I can make it.

My ex of two and a half years broke up with me about a month ago. He said he didn't know if he loved me anymore, but hoped we would still be friends. I didn't cry or beg, and we ended up having the best conversation we've had in a very long time. He sounded very final initially, so I told myself I needed to "kill" my feelings for him. The next day I asked him to repeat what he said during the breakup (that he didn't love me and that we were over for good) because I thought it would help me get over him, but he said he couldn't say that, because he thinks we may get back together some day. I decided to distance myself from him, which was difficult because we had to live together for another week. As soon as I got distant, he tried to be around me more, but not necessarily talk to me more. He was also very touchy-feely, and whenever I gave in we would have a really fun time together. At this point, I told him I needed my space, especially if he wants us to be friends again some day. After the week was up, I went home to visit my mom and didn't hear anything from him. When I got back a week later, I wasn't expecting him to still be there, because he was supposed to come back for his things some time in June right before the lease expires. And yet, there he was. As soon as I walked in he helped me with my bags and complimented my new outfit several times until I acknowledged him. I tried to be polite, but still keep my distance.

We decided to hang out with some mutual friends, and he sat right next to me the entire time. He was also staring at me a lot and trying to strike up conversations about random things. I decided to pull him aside and call a temporary "truce". We talked freely for about 5 minutes, and then he announced to everyone (without looking at me, and while I was mid-sentence) that he was going to go meet a friend at a bar. I felt like I had been played, and I was really angry and embarrassed. I decided to go home about 20 minutes later, because I didn't want to run into him again and I wanted to be alone. As I left the neighborhood I was in, I ran into him at a street corner and kept walking. He tried talking to me as though nothing had happened, and I ignored him. He kept asking me what was wrong, accused me of being jealous of him going to see a friend, and told me to put my hood up (because it was raining). I told him I was upset with him for blowing me off after having done something very difficult (opening up to him) and ran into traffic to get away from him. I also kept my hood down during the hour long walk home. He texted me once every hour asking if I was ok, and tried to talk to me several times the next day, but I just shut down. At some point he tried to give me back the stuffed flamingo he had given me for my birthday two years ago. I had previously put it in the spare room, and told him I had put it in the other room for a reason, and he said: "I know." but tried to give it to me anyway. I caught him lying in the fetal position on the bed in the spare bedroom, desperately clinging to my travel pillow, and looking up every time I passed by. He left later that day.

What does all this mean, and what do I do?

Confusing behavior from my ex

Reply from
on May 8 2014 at 06:29
Member since: 29 December 2013
It means he basically wants to be with you and not with you. He needed to be strong to end it after 2.5 years but while he had the strength to tell you, he can't find the rest of it to live by his decision.The fact that he couldn't move out when you were away says it all.

You have decided it's over and you are trying to 'kill' your feelings for him, but you need to get over him...and you will, given time. You can't 'kill' your feelings for him instantly. While he insists of trying to be in your life, you'll find it very difficult to move on.

To remain friends is all ok but it needs to a mutual decision with clear lines drawn in the sand. In your case, while you attempt to move on and maybe become friends in the future, he on the other hand, is silently regretting his decision to TRY and end it. His actions since have said it all.

You have the advantage and the 'ball's in your court' and it's up to you to make a decision once and for all which way to go with this guy. You need to realize that he is immature and selfish and his behavior after the breakup has indicted this constantly.

The more he pushes you to come back through words and actions, the further you will go to prevent it, given your current mindset.

He needs to also realize that breakups don't happen for no reason and he needs to man up and ask himself the REAL reason why he needed to end it with you in the first place.

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