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5 years of confusion

Posted by
BUNNY
on Nov 6 2008 at 09:17
Member since: 06 November 2008
Relationship advice forum category advice forum category I met my bf 5 years ago, we were working in the same company at that time. He was telling me at that time he is divorced and he has no where to go since he cant go home as his ex-wife still stay in his house with their daughter. I took him in knowing that he has no place to go, that is after we got together. Both of us stay with my parents and my brothers and everyone in my family love him dearly. Later, after a year, his mom and his "wife" came to my house looking for him and asked him whether he wants to go home. Only at that time I know he lied, there is no divorce. I asked him at that time whether he wants to go home, he says no and he wants a divorce with his wife coz he cant stay with her anymore. My parents wants him out at that time knowing that he has lied to everyone. I moved out with him because I love him. We have no place to go, so we stayed in a cheap hotel and later we moved into a apartment. I am the one who paid the monthly rental, took loan to buy a car and everything else. After 1 year from there, his wife couldnt stand it anymore after many times he has promised that he will be back, in which he did not go home. She then file for a divorce, he did not. I did not all this, until his mom told me recently.

Finally he got divorced and we are still together. Altho we are not married, he will tell his colleagues that we are married. Only recently, he joined a new company, and he told everyone that he is single and has no gf. I asked him of this because he doesnt want me to be near to his office or to meet any of his new colleagues. I asked him why, he says its because he has the right to meet new people and he doesnt want anyone to know about me. Being with him wasnt easy as he tends to stray around, he will go clubbing, drinking and meeting up with his other gfs. I have forgive him many times. We have now moved back to his house. His parents stay two houses away with his daughter. I am close to his daughter as I take care of her during weekends. Recently, he started this nonsense again, he start to off his hp at night when he is back, he will say that he need to stay back in the office because of meetings. But later I found out that he was seeing the girl, not working late. He off his hp at nite is because that he is afraid that his hp will ring or there is incoming SMS and I might see it. I silently on his hp at nite while he was sleeping, true enough there are sms from the girl telling him that she love him and that she had a wonderful time with him. When I confronted him, he get angry and says that he has no intention to marry me, he wants his single life now after divorce, he want to meet whoever he wants and to go out whenever he wants without asking him anything. He says that I am only his partner, not his wife, I am just a person staying with him and I have no right to ask him anything. He also says that if I want to stay on, I have to accept him having other girls and I have to pretend that I dont know anything. He hit me many times before, until my face, body are badly bruised. Once, he even took his motorbike helmet to hit me, and a guitar to my leg and the bone cracked. I did not go to the police coz I still love him.

I told my mom what happened. My parents never support us after knowing he lied about his divorce. My mom knows that I am sad. As a mother, she called him recently to asked him what he wants now. He told my mom that he has no intention to marry me, very difficult to get out of marriage life so he wants to have a single life now to meet new people and be with anyone he likes. He also says that I have no rights to control him because I am just a girl staying with him. He also told me that I must accept his beaviour and have to keep my eyes closed when he is with other girls to pretend that I dont know anything and to accept it. My mom is very sad and has been asking me to go home to them and start new. It is okay that I lost this battle, most imprtantly I have to turn back and not to go on with him. I somehow cant let go of this relationship and still love him.

Please tell me what to do. I hasnt been sleeping / eating for the past few days. I really need some advise.

Reply from
TEARAG
on Dec 23 2008 at 22:56
Member since: 23 December 2008
dont wanna state the obvious, but maybe leave he sounds like a complete git. people dont need to treat people like that, should be in prison really, imagine if it was one of your friends and their boyfriend treated them like tht you wouldnt want the friend to be with them, would you. just pack up and leave, dont ever ever take him back.
Reply from
JEEBLE
on Dec 24 2008 at 15:40
Member since: 24 December 2008
This is horrible...all that man is doing is using and abusing you. He probably stole your self esteem too. I recomend that you go and stay with your family and not even consider looking at his face. If I were you i would tell the police and the girl he's seeing what he's like. I am not sure how you could love a man who has given you so much pain..Maybe you are only thinkin about how he made you feel happy when you first met him? well forget the past and move on that man is no good. I am sure you will find someone who respects and loves you back!
Reply from
BUNNY
on Dec 28 2008 at 12:40
Member since: 06 November 2008
Thanks for your advise. I have moved back to my parent's house. First he asked me to give him 2 weeks time to try out with her, see whether she is the rite woman for her and whether she can handle his temper, then he says one month, then he changed it to before xmas and now he asked me to give him time will 1st Jan 09. I asked him why he wants me to wait for him? He says that he is afraid that she cannot take his temper and she cant take care of him like how I do. He even moved in to stay with her now (in her hse) and yet he wants me to wait for his decision? What is going on in his head? I have been real sad, no sms / calls from him whenever she is around and he only contact me when she is not around him. A few times I called him, he scolded me infront of the girl for calling him. I am just dumb aint i? sigh ... time to move on isnt it? how do I forget the past and move on? I need to find a way to do it... any advise?

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