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Not following through with promises

Posted by
LOSTINSPACE
on May 8 2014 at 22:47
Member since: 08 May 2014
Relationship advice This is a difficult one to explain but I have to try because my marriage is hanging by a thread. We have had some marriage counselling but we stopped after a few weeks so I could see a therapist on my own which I've only been seeing for a few weeks now. I have trouble connecting emotionally consistently and this gets really bad when we argue (which is every day more or less). My wife and I have talked endlessly about my issues and I have promised to try harder to do the right things, especially in arguments where I tend to freak out or get really mean and despondent. I've said I'll do all sorts over the past year such as meditating, writing down feelings and working through them, taking time outs when things get stressful. I do these things for a while but then tend to forget or give up. I need some help in finding something I can do to genuinely help the relationship while my therapy gets going. But I also need help in sticking to whatever it is!!

Not following through with promises

Reply from
GARDENGIRL
on May 10 2014 at 20:55
Member since: 10 May 2014
Dear Lostinspace,

I can relate to your problem, personally. I was in the exact same position with my ex of 10 years. We were having the same problems and were in counseling. I wanted him to try to relate to me coming from my point of view. He just could not seem to put himself in my shoes and had no empathy for my feelings. Sometimes it's difficult to try and put yourself in another's shoes and see things from a different perspective. I think most of us just want someone who will listen to us and have empathy for how we are feeling at that moment. Sometimes we project our own personal feeling of guilt about the reason the other person is upset. It is not about you. You are not wrong and should not feel guilty about how your wife is feeling. Maybe if you try and express to her that you understand why she is upset. Repeat back to her what it is that is the problem. Be open-minded. Express some understanding and empathy and then the two of you can work on a solution to the problem. If you love her and she loves you, you will be able to work things out. Just make sure you express to her that you understand what she is saying to you and you have empathy for her feelings. After all, don't we all just want someone to love us and be understanding, who will listen with empathy to what it is that is bothering us, and will help us to solve the problem we are having?

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