Wrong place, wrong time
Here's my little problem.
I left uni nearly two years ago and have been working in a job I'm not at all satisfied in. I found that since leaving uni and some of my friends over the past two years at uni have drifted away because of distance I became quite unhappy and longed for the days I spent at uni. The end of uni also meant the end of a significant relationship with a girl I was studying with, all this was quite a blow.
With life seemingly slowing down to a crawl I quickly thought of a way to shake myself out of this rut. I had always dreamed of traveling since I was a child, it was something I held up as one of my life time goals. I chose to spend my time striving towards that goal. Nearly two years later I am only one month away from leaving for Canada, flights booked, accommodation, It's finally happening.
The problem or rather situation I'm facing is really to do with awful timing. I've recently met a girl through friends and we almost instantly hit it off. I had spent all the time from the end of my previous relationship leading up to now avoiding any relationship type stuff as I felt jaded by the last one at uni and to focus on self improvement. I had hoped this girl and I could just casually see each other without getting too attached but it's clear that we both are developing stronger feelings. I feel comfortable around her, which is something I often struggle with. I can be myself.
This is just a classic example of wrong place, wrong time. I'm going to Canada for a year, it's my dream. She's also leaving for America for about 5 months a few days before me. I can't help but feel that if this were a different time things might be different. But then I remind myself that if I was not going to Canada I'd still have my crappy job, very small friend network and I wouldn't be experiencing living my own dream. I guess I just need advice on how to handle this. We like spending time together as friends. Some of my friends say cut all ties right now and spare both hers and your feelings in the long run. Others say just enjoy the moment. I will speak to her about this subject when the times right. I don't want either of us to hold on to hope that when we return something might happen too tightly. But I do like her, she's the first girl I've found any connection with in two years. This might just have to be the little sacrifice I have to make to have my traveling adventure.
Any advice would be appreciated. Thanks.
Joe, follow your dreams and go to Canada. If you and this girl are meant to be, then it will happen. If she is the one for you, then distance ans absence from each other won't prevent your relationship from developing. Don't look over your shoulder but rather look ahead to the future.
Just imagine if you had an oppurtunity to go to Canada during the time you were with your first gf. Would you have gone and left her? I dont think so. But what was the eventual outcome of your relationship? You guys broke up. So dont let this oppurtunity of following your dream slip!!!! Go to Canada!!!!!
I totally agree with the above comments, if you guys are meant to be, you will be but dont deny yourself of this amazing oppurtunity just over a relationship which may/may not last. Work things out with each other. Long distance relationships can work BUT if it doesnt then that shows going to Canada was the best move! Good luck
Thanks for the answers so far.
I will most definitely be going to Canada in June. It's booked and paid for and I wouldn't turn back even if I could. It just seems a shame to be meeting her now, right before I go.
I guess I just don't know if I should be living in the now and enjoying her company till I go. Getting attached could make it painful for both of us. Holding onto the hope that when I return she'll be available can be a toxic thing. I really don't know what might happen in a year...
Yes! Enjoy her company! Spend every day together as if it were your last. She is in your life at present so dont push that away. Hopefully, you both will still be together in a years time but if not then you were destined for something else. Enjoy the moment :) You have exciting times ahead of you.
I think we both know the score. We're both parting ways for quite a while soon. It is a shame that we've only just met and are only really starting to get to know each other. We do seem to have a lot in common on the surface.
I really feel like I want to carry on hanging out with her as friends but I'm also worried that in getting attached and knowing that we physically can't find out where things could go right now we're going to find moving apart upsetting and we're setting ourselves up for hurt.
I don't want to spend my year held back in some way because I'm thinking of her and I wouldn't want her to be doing the same. I don't know how she feels exactly. I'll need to talk to her about this at some point. I don't just want to let it fizzle out without anything being said.
I'm going to talk to her about it next time we see each other. We need that total freedom so we can fully enjoy the opportunities we get over the next year.
I do hope she feels the same way, I'd guess she does. Who knows what the future holds, we could be with entirely different people in a few months or a year. Oh well, who knows what could have happened and what will actually happen. Thanks for the comments. I got this.
Well... this thing has had some developments or rather I've realised a few things.
I decided not to mention when I first posted, to save myself some embarrassment, that we both knew the score from the start. We were hanging out casually with a bit of fun involved. I told her I was up for that, thinking I could handle it. Turns out I'm not so good at that sort of thing. But she is, relationships aren't her style at all. She's very laid back, occasionally has guy friends who she sleeps with but she's not just going around doing this with everyone. She likes to keep things simple and she's very happy and contented with her set up, she gets all the pro's and bypasses the cons.
I'm almost 100% sure she doesn't have the same feelings for me. She told me she's enjoyed the company but she'd just like fun before we both leave. For me it went a bit further than that, even though I knew it couldn't be possible. We have just been hanging out as friends, going walking, to the cinema and just enjoying long conversations. She's just not the sort of girl to get attached, I however do get attached. It might sound like I've knocked her for never wanting a relationship but it's just the care-free life she enjoys and wants to lead. Which is great. She pulls it off with ease.
I do however have some feelings for her. I'm trying to decide whether or not I tell her these and ask if we can just continue to be friends without any 'benefits' or whether I just don't say anything and avoid sleeping with her to guard my own feelings. I worry that telling her wont do any good and might make her feel uncomfortable but then again I don't really think she'd miss me enough to want to chat much after we've parted ways. I should have mentioned this angle from the start...
Joe - This gal is way ahead of you. SHE knows that this relationship is temporary. It is YOU who is putting more feeling into it than what it really is.
In other words, you are in love; she isn't.
Enjoy her and move on.