What to do. Do I walk away
I am 46 meet the man of my dreams two years ago. Lived together to quick and financial problems brought him to a head. Then he started to drink got out of hand. Funny for how down to earth I am am didn't see that coming. But. 85 of time was like best friend. Never met anyone I could be my self with. Now I am not stupid and was gonna go. But gave him benefit of doubt and we moved out and he went to love with his parents. He is 40. Any how. I went and flat shared. I am waiting for my new flat to be finished which the last month germ staying with friends. Anyhow if think he's been fine all ok until last night he went out with female friend. They have been friends since small and I know her. But I didn't go round to see him last night as looking after ill friend. Anyhow point is. He didn't get home till lunch time and cant remember where he was from about 3 pm. I am furious and want to dump him. But I weight up. 85% of time he's perfect and he messes up the little other time. Maybe only 5% bad when I say bad. I wouldn't be there if I thought or had evidence he cheated. 10% he acts an ars when he does get drunk. The bit I am worried about is this 5% he can't remember from a night out. I want leave him. But know on the whole he's such a caring good bloke. What do I do
This man is having blackouts. He is most likely an alcoholic.
Your 85% of the time is going to dwindle down, believe me.
His "mess-up" are major. Is that what you want to deal with in your later years?
Find a sober guy who has some financial security. Shouldn't be too hard.
"Find a sober guy who has some financial security. Shouldn't be too hard." Lolwut? Yeah boyfriends those are easy to come by, just go get another random "perfect" one.
There is always going to be some sort of imperfection in your relationship. This drinking is one of those, although you fail to mention how often this occurs? I.e the getting drunk and being mean part. If it happens near to a daily basis and it makes you really sad and angry, more so than you are happy with him, then I'd consider trying to fix it by asking him to cut down on drinking, if he doesn't put any effort into trying to do that then consider leaving.
However if he makes you more happy than sad and angry then stay. Also if he only drinks and gets drunk let's say once or twice a week, then that should be fine. It doesn't seem excessive to me.
From your subjective ambiguous percentages I must assume he doesn't drink a lot, and the pros far out weigh the negatives. Therefore I think you should stay, maybe communicate the fact for him to cut down on drinking and being a jerk when doing so. But if he doesn't cause you major sadness and anger on a regular basis I see little problem here.
I hope that helped, good luck with your relationship and have a wonderful day
If he can't remember what happens when he's been drinking, then he does have a big problem. Alcohol doesn't lie and you're seeing the 'real' man surfacing when he drinks.
85% doesn't come into the equation if the remaining 15% is enough to make you want to dump him. Forget about him cheating, it's the fact that he can't account for his actions when he's been drinking that offends you.
The negatives outweigh the positives in your relationship. Sure, he's a good, caring guy but ask yourself why he needs to drink which results in your unhappiness and puts a strain on your relationship regardless if he's the first guy ever you can be yourself with.
If he was 100% happy with his life, he wouldn't need to drink to the extent of memory loss...it's that simple.
I think you are afraid that, if you stay with him, he'll drag you down with him, that he might crush your chances of chasing your dreams, and being happy. I absolutely could be wrong
But I'm just putting that out there. It sounds to me thats the question your really asking. So ask yourself, does he build me up? Or take me down?