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Should i leave him

Posted by
KIMMICHI
on May 13 2014 at 22:58
Member since: 13 May 2014
Relationship advice forum category advice forum category This is long so bear with me:

Me and my sons father have been togeather for 3yrs. We didn't exactly meet under the best circumstance, and quickly found ourselves pregnant. (Yes, he's truly the father...) he is a wonderful guy. Even though we weren't dating he stepped up and decided to be there and help raise the child.. well we moved away during the pregnancy and 1st year he was born. We figured it was better for all of us if we just threw ourselves in a remote location, only depending on each other. But like all things, it came to a end. We moved back after I found out my father was sick. (During the time we were gone I had lost 3 family members, and couldn't afford to go to the funerals..so we moved back.)

But we were making far less money here then when we were living in Fl. We ended up moving his father inside our house, to watch our son while we both worked. But that didn't go over well... his father is a repeat addict, who tricked us into bringing his dope friends into our house. Only for them to squat in our home, and physically chased us out of our own home....

For most of the arguement he actually took his fathers side (thinking that I was mad because they stopped lending me stuff.) Which was entirely not the case... it was the fact that they were doing drugs and drinking their asses of while watching my child! Which granted he wasn't home the majority of the time anyway.... I'm getting off topic. Anyway, I have to say that's when it first started happening. That's when I first stopped having emotional feelings for him... he is always away from home... he wakes up at 10am goes to the gym as soon as he wakes up.. doesn't come home until 1pm. Then he gets in the shower, eats lunch, and off to work he goes at 3pm... I never get to see him. Which I could deal with mon-fri. But even on the weekends, as soon as he wakes up off he goes. He wants to go play disc golf one day, or wants to go skateboarding the next. Always wants to go to the movies. But fails to realize that we can't do all those things... we have a child to look after, and very little money to spare. Yet all I hear is let's do this, or let's buy that. But we can't, so then he gets mad, and pouts and goes on until he gets to do it anyway...

He does take our son 2 the gym with him (but they have a daycare.)

He never physically plays with our child, at least not for a long period of time.. and it actually makes me sad, because every time daddy leave; our son is banging on the door yelling for him not too..

I just feel like we are on the back burner in his prioritys.... is it wrong of me to want to leave him? We were never even togeather in the 1st place really; just to people who got in over their heads trying to do what was right....

But I just can't be happy anymore.. I can't be content spending all day, everyday alone.. and when I say that, I mean alone even though I shouldn't be... I understand I will be alone if I leave; but in a way I would feel so much more happier.. I'm just confused I guess. On what's the right thing for me to do for myself as well as my son, and even for his father... because all of our lives would be thrown into chaos... anyway, any advice is welcome.

Reply from
MOCKINGBIRD
on May 14 2014 at 13:01
Member since: 03 December 2016
Hello Kimmichi,

First of all relax everything has a solution and leaving someone like that it's no reason.

He his the father of your child and first of all maybe you can solve this problem. And if you can't then you already know what you have to do.

Not everyone his like that, your husband his a very good one and you should try to keep him.

Have you really sure that you don't like him at all? Sometimes we feel so stressed out, sad and our feelings are hide deep inside.

Well I don't think you should had moved this things happen. It's life.

But had you thought about this his skin? He may have took his father side, but it's his father! I don't think he his blind at the problem but sometimes people runaway of their problems so they don't have to solve it or even remember them.

And I don't think he his ok at all. He too his runway.

Let's put priorities in here.

- First of all I think you should sit down, cry if you need too and THINK. Think about anything that you regret doing or saying and notice that. Think about how your life is going to be without him, all alone.

- Talk to him, very calmy no yelling no more. Yelling is a very very bad thing for a relationship, we learn how to do it because of the way that we were raised but we should unlearn it for good.

Say what you feel. That you feel lonelly, and YOU DO LIKE HIM, because if you didn't you wouldn't feel like that. You wouldn't even care.

- Try to put your life back together. Change it. Talk with him about that. If you don't earn much there then change town. Put your child always in first place and if this isn't enough for him to understand what he his doing wrong then you should leave him for good.

Reply from
SUSIEDQQ
on May 15 2014 at 23:16
Member since: 27 December 2013
Kim - you don't say how old you are, but - sorry - this man does not show the capacity of being able to be a husband or a father.

(And how could he be, since he was raised by this father?? He had no model to follow!)

You need to bring a counselor or trusted adult into this. Sit down with him and let him know how you feel. Insist that he go to couples counseling. He has much new work to do to learn how to be a father and husband.

Discussion closed - why not create your own thread?