Online dating with an ex
i joined an online dating site my friend recommended and got chatting to a guy I really like and my type he looked like an ex of mine from years ago to whom I had a kid with , he chose not to be involved with the child and I haven't seen him for nearly 15 years we ended the relationship with fine don't bother then kind of way. weve been messaging and texting for months now and we are going to meet up in a couple of week. some stuff he said then made me realise he was my ex I looked into a few things and confirmed my thoughts but I continued messaging he hasn't asked much about my child that I said I have. I sometimes wish it was simple but its not hes told me ive made him really happy and everyone has said to him hes changed and how happy he is and hes excited and cant wait to meet me and believes its fate I have thoughts of what will happen when he does find out its me he has seen a pic of me but it wasn't good quality and hes said im his type I fear hes going to get nasty and say I set him up and then his world will come crashing down but if I say no to meeting and messaging anymore its still going to come crashing down because weve got "close" but then I also see it as a chance to meet his child im putting a lot on the line and have more to lose than him do I just go along and play dumb as its been such a long time and see what happens , im in my 30s so not young , the date is we bring a friend along with us for safety and just to meet in a pub he then will have a chance to see me before speaking to me so can easily leave before talking to me im starting to fall for him again and im hoping hes changed as I have a lot , just wondering anyones thoughts on this
Don't you know his name? Doesn't he know your name?
Are you absolutely SURE he is what you think? (father of this child)?
You MUST tell him what you suspect, anyway.
It is unfair to blindside him this way.
we know each others first names area we live our ages he knows how old our child is he could be leading me on and seeing how far this goes but im not leading him on
After 15 years? and he has not tried to contact you and the child EVER?
No, he has forgotten.
(I am assuming that he KNEW about this pregnancy and didn't want anything to do with you or the child)
Just ask yourself - how you would feel if someone "tricked" you like this. You must be honest: "Hey _____, I need to tell you that you look EXACTLY like a guy I had a child with some 15 years ago. In fact, same name!! Remember Me?"
He will be afraid that you will want 15 years of back child support.
hes been paying for his child that isn't an issue his sister caused a lot of problems and he believed anything she said she caused us problems she was jealous she couldn't have children and I was "taking" her brother away she would "brainwash" ne1 so she could benefit, ive recently since found out she told him I was cheating on him and using him but I wasn't we were engaged having a family and in the process of buying our first home together , and after 15 years I doubt youd forget someone so easy and im not tricking him
Let's get this straight: You recognize him but you don't think HE recognizes YOU - even when he has your NAME? And has been paying child support for 15 years??
He is either really dense Or he is playing you along.
No one could be that unaware.
Let us know how it turns out.
This situation is quite curious.
First off, are you absolutely sure this guy is your ex from 15 years ago? 110%? How do you know he is?
From what you've described you and this guy have never met before. He knows your name, has seen a picture of you and knows you also have a child, that your ex is aware now. Now I'm pretty sure there is enough dots to connect here for anyone to see that if this guy was your ex he'd be able to figure this out. Which means this guy isn't your ex or he's playing you on.
You say you're not leading him on or setting him up. But you are! You're keeping these suspicions to yourself, if this guy truly is your ex, even though it seems ludicrously improbable, then you're leading him on to think you're not his ex! You've got to communicate this through and through. That way you can find this out if he's your ex or not.
You've both changed, so if this guy is your ex you could end up getting back together. Most likely the issues that happened in the past are not as big of a deal anymore, if this guy is your ex anyway.
Eventually this guy, if he's your ex, WILL find out that you are his ex. You're just delaying the inevitable, the longer you hold on to these suspicions and if they turn out to be true, the harder "his world will come crashing down", since he's already invested so much emotion into this potential relationship with you. He has the expectation of probably getting with you.
With all this said it's based on one very WEAK assumption that this guy actually is your ex. This may not even be an issue at all. You need to find out if this assumption is fact or fiction.
In conclusion, you need to stop leading him on and tell him what you think, question him to see if he's your ex or not. It will happen eventually, make it sooner rather than later.
I wish you good luck with that and have a wonderful day
he is defiantly my ex he could actually be wanting this and has kept messaging as he wants the chance of us or even just to see his child which ive never stopped him. (he lost contact) he could be thinking the exact same as me and my world could come crashing down too it works both ways even tho im more guarded as ive worked out who he is im still willing to give him a chance, don't really believe astrology. im just asking peoples thoughts and susiedq ill deffo let u know how it turns out.