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Met the love of my life

Posted by
DAZEDANDCONFUZED
on May 23 2014 at 13:57
Member since: 23 May 2014
Relationship advice Ok, this is a longish story. I'm married with three kids. I've been with my husband 11 years, married for 3. During my last pregnancy I joined an online support group for moms, where I met my current best friend. She lives in Minnesota, and I live in Ontario, canada. She introduced me to her close friend of 16 years. He and I quickly became friends. The three of us play online games together, to this day. We maintain a group chat as well, which we use regularly throughout each day. My friend had to have a medical procedure done, so this man and I made our own private chat so we didn't bother her during her convalescence. He and I became very close, very quickly. We have a lot in common, the same values, and it was clear that we were looking at each other as more than good friends. We communicate daily, all day most days. We play online games all night. We have told each other things we've never told anyone before. It wasn't long before we confessed we were falling for one another. Loving him is so easy. We don't have any expecations from one another. We are both free to be ourselves without judgement. I have been with my husband since I was 17. I went with him because at the time, I was a mess and he was safe. I love him. But, I'm not even attracted to him. I've had these feelings for a long time. I don't want to hurt him, I want him to be happy and find someone who can love him properly. He does deserve happiness. I seem to have found mine in B, and he in I as well. He is also married, but the relationship has gone sour, and he is leaving her. He is also willing to relocate to canada to be with me. I have not told anyone about this as I do not want it getting back to my husband before I can tell him myself. He deserves my honesty, especially after this kind of betrayal. But I'm not happy with him, and he is suffering for it. I guess I don't really want advice, I just want to vent. To tell someone. To tell anyone how much I love this man, and how I didn't know love until I met him. I've never felt so connected to a person. He and I have deep, meaningful, spiritual, intellectual conversations. My husband and I have never had that. I've never even touched this man and he does more for me than a man who has been trying for 11 years. I know what I need to do, I just need the courage to do it. Our biggest hurdle is the kids. I have 3 and he has 2. Rearranging their lives will be messy, but I think in the end it will be the best for everyone. I love him, and I refuse to live my life without him.
Met the love of my life
Reply from
BEHAPPY
on May 23 2014 at 17:50
Member since: 23 May 2014
I really feel for you. As I think I\'m on the other end of the same. Issue. You must follow your heart but remember you haven\'t really been with this man other than the. Internet? So I\'m concern you are running away from an issue than he is the right person, for sure.

You only live once and everyone deserves happiness!, put it this way would you want this happiness for your children when it\'s their turn to meet the right person?

I would, as hard as it is , sit down with your husband and talk it through it may take a few emotional chats but you will know for sure how you both really feel.

Good luck

Met the love of my life
Reply from
SUSIEDQQ
on May 23 2014 at 23:24
Member since: 27 December 2013
You're kidding, right?

You are going to throw away a MARRIAGE with KIDS for an online romance?

Write back when you have spent TIME with this man and get a reality check on the impact this computer romance will have on the people around you.

I think you need to get off the computer and deal with your husband and your marriage.

Met the love of my life
Reply from
DOMINIC WILD (moderator)
on May 24 2014 at 01:40
Member since: 15 March 2013
How long have you exactly been in love with this person? You don't seem to have any negative thing to say, which is good I guess, but isn't the best of indications going forward.

There is always going to be a negative, or some negatives in a relationship or some imperfection with the other person. It may be little or it may be major. But usually something is there.

The concern I have as well as the other people above me is that you've never met this person in real life. People in real life and over the internet can turn out to be quite different sometimes. Plus you seem to be in that in-love spark phase, where you think everything is fine and dandy about person X, couldn't be better. Which may be causing your perceptions of things like the relationship with your husband to seem amiss.

From what I can gather you and your husband have not been really participating in the relationship you two set out for a while. As you said you spend most days with this guy, which insinuates quite a care-free attitude with your husband when it comes to you interacting. It seems both of you have just kinda let that happen, as such you feel you're not attracted to him anymore. Since there is little interaction now.

So basically your relationship has been at a low in terms of interactivity therefore you've lost interest, you've found a guy you've got a spark of interest in and therefore you now deem him the next best thing and jump onto him.

I have to really wonder, you say "he does more for me than a man who has been trying for 11 years." He's being *trying* for 11 years? That implies you haven't really been trying to fix problems in your relationship if he's been the only one trying.

Those are just some of my thoughts in what could be happening right now, it could be that you'll have a happier life with this man, or not. Real life is different from the internet, he may have some physical habits or tendencies you don't like. You may just be love-struck, as such it's hindering your vision as to your feelings towards your current husband and the problems that may be evident in the relationship making it not work.

Just think things over, make sure you're not going to leave this person unhappy and then go to the other relationship and it may not meet your expectations and then you live with this regret for a long time.

A lot of things said here may be true or untrue, it's based on little evidence I could pull from what you said.

Hope it was insightful. :)

Met the love of my life
Reply from
MOUNTAIN
on May 24 2014 at 13:10
Member since: 24 February 2014
Hi What your post is telling me is that you and this guy were transported somewhere out of your reality...... to feel love and wanted again. Very understandable when your are feeling neglect in your current relationship...makes both of you vulnerable to this exact situation.

I would try and spend some time with him in reality......

Let me ask you one question ...... would you consider leaving your marriage if you did not meet this person?

It would be a rebound from your marriage they usually start out that way intense and mind blowing because you have been starved of love.

What I am saying is this is a sign that you wanted to escape and he too.

Where is it on the ground, in reality? You will be risking your life.

Look I know we only get one life and all that and I am not in your head or his head.

I think you should talk to your husband and tell him the truth of what is happening....

Are you sure this guy will tell his wife ?

Be careful you could get hurt badly and lives ruined.

This thread has expired, but why not create your own?