Over-thinking queen.. I need help
So, I have a problem. I over-think everything in my relationship. It's exhausting and I don't know how to stop. I just want to enjoy my relationship, it's been going really well (he doesn't know that I over-think everything, it's mainly just in my head). So far, every time I analyze something he's said or something that happened, it's been nothing and everything was normal. We've been dating for 4 months, I'm 23 he's 26.
Last night, we had our beer league baseball, I've only played a couple games and I'm not good. I played last night and screwed up the game for the team. No one was pissed, no one takes it seriously, but I got really down on myself. It was raining, I had a few beers, and I got discouraged. He's never seen me that way before, I'm always a pretty positive, upbeat person. So afterwards, I just felt like things were off. We went for dinner with the team afterwards, he was like "let's get you a double caesar to cheer you up" so he did, then we ordered a pizza to share. After, he's like oh I forgot my wallet and I ended up having to pay, he didn't say thank you. This is very unlike him. I was already feeling like things were off too..so is that normal like.."getting comfortable" behaviour? I always say thank you for everything.. anyways.. when he went to drop me off at home, we were talking, ended up making out, we went inside and he ended up sleeping over (which never really happens during the work week - but it was nice). When he left in the morning, I texted him a little later saying:
"It was nice waking up with you this morning, I hope everything is good with us.. have a great day at work xoxox" and he replied with:
"It was nice! And of course, why wouldn't it be? Hope your day goes well, I'll give you a shout after work! xoxox" (we're supposed to be hanging out tonight)
So I mean, I guess things weren't off. But it's exhausting that I'm always thinking something is off and then I'm wrong. And now I'm here just wanting this day to be over so I can see how things are going to be tonight, to just put my mind at ease that it'll be normal. I just want to enjoy my relationship. I'm afraid of getting hurt, I'm really starting to fall for this guy (and I believe he is too....he's told me he loves me numerous times, however it's always when he's had a few beers or something, but his actions normally do show his affections). I don't want to screw it up. What do I do?
Please find out why you are a "negative collector." Yes, you do "over think" and it's always negative, down on yourself and the situation.
PMS? Depression? Low self esteem? Over sensitive?
Whatever it is, get it checked out with a counselor who deals with women's issues.
Good luck and count your blessings.
It's good your aware of your tendency to over-think things. From what you said at the end it seems like there is not much going on in your life?
As for the situation of him not saying thank you, I'd say that is normal behavior personally. I think manners are a form of formality, like I don't say thank you to my family to much of anything, because it's generally assumed I'm thankful.
Don't focus on the little things you do. Think of things in terms of the grand scheme of things. Like was a lack of a thank you really that bad? Was me playing bad really that bad? Did anyone even care? Seemingly not? Therefore is it a problem? No, therefore should I care? No. Apart from maybe if you wanna improve on what you did wrong in that game.
But from what I gather you don't have many other things to do in your life? As you said you were just simply waiting for the day to end? If you have hardly anything to do on a daily basis and little things actually happen in your life. Your gonna reflect on those little events that happen A LOT because you have the time to do so. This causes your over-thinking, because you have the opportunity to think into tiny things a lot. It's basically because of boredom. Your minds empty it wants something to do, "how about we think about what happened when X did this?" You don't want that.
Therefore find some other commitments in your life. Like hang out with friends, participating in a hobby, talking with family members. Doing something rather than just loafing around waiting for something to happen. If your doing something your mind is actively paying attention to what is happening, therefore you won't over think as much.
Another thing to do is just change the way you think. If you think someone did something to be mean, think of all the possible reasons they may have done it. Maybe they were actually trying to be kind? Maybe they had a bad day and weren't in the mood? Maybe they didn't mean it to be brought out that way, since later they hugged you? Just think if it makes logical sense. However if you do spends hours thinking about this stuff you will dig up negative stuff you'll think is more probable, which may not be the case. So just be careful.
I hope that helped, good luck with your relationship and have a wonderful day :)