I have been dating this guy for almost a year now. Whenever I hangout with my friends I would tell them I have the best boyfriend after all the bad relationships I have been through. This guy really loves me and always tell me how important I am to him. Whenever we argue, it will be resolved within less than an hour. I thought we are the perfect couple and we have a lot of hope for our future. He claims from the beginning that I am his world and his priority. He would do anything for me and loves me to death. Recently, he went out with his coworkers for a drink and he has a important football game the next day that he has been anticipating for 2 weeks. He initially planned to not go but then that day when he suddenly decided to go again as his coworkers were looking for him. He then claims that one the reason why he didn't want to go before was because I wanted to come along and it's a little a awkward since none of his coworkers were bringing their partners and they are not close at all. It's their first time hanging out together. I respected that and let him go even I wasn't very happy with the sudden change of plan. I have to mention that his coworkers were 3 girls when I first asked him who's going. That was actually the major thing why I was upset about him going alone. (But later found out those girls all have bf or married and have kids). After 2-3 hours I started head back to pick him up but he wanted to stay longer. I didn't understand what is so important about the coworkers hangout night that he would give up his precious resting time for the game he really looked forward to. I finally got really upset and texted him that perhaps the fun is more important to him than the game and he could stay as long as he wants but I am heading out for a smoothie myself. (But I wasn't going anywhere but home, the stupid side of me just wanted to see his response). Anyway, he got really upset and walked back home. Subsequently was the biggest argument we ever had. He became a totally different person and kept yelling at me of why I had to put him in a situation between me and his coworkers. That night, he said a lot of things that really hurt me so deep I literally thought my heart was bleeding. Everything seemed so unreal as he kept coming at me. He wouldn't stop yelling at me even when I wanted a break because I was so scared and sad. I wanted to go to the washroom and calm down and he came after me, banging on the door while kept yelling at me. It was a complete nightmare and I really wanted to leave the house. I felt like it wasn't him, he was not the person I knew. I never imagined, in a million years, that he would ever treat me like that. He was never so aggressive towards me. Before that night, I would still be telling all my friends how my Mr right has finally arrived and how he was for sure the 'one'. He apologized afterwards for what he has done and he always didn't hAve a good control of his temper but he would never hurt me. I forgave him and later on talked through it. Every went back to normal now and we are back to the way we were. However, at times I would suddenly think about that night and start doubting his love for me and my trust for him. I am trying so hard to put those shattered pieces back together from that night but a scar is always a scar. I try not to think about it but when I do, I lose faith. The person he became that night is too different from the person he was, and the person he is now after that incident. I know that he is sincerely sorry for his aggressiveness and attitude that night but I can't help the bitterness in my heart. I really love him and I really want to forget what happened that night. I really wish it never happened.
It is rather unfortunate when a loved one reveals a side of me that doesn't sit well with a partner. It's been a year and this is the very first time he is putting up such a behaviour, it is quite strange. Honestly a partner putting you in a position where you have fear is not the best. No matter the circumstances or situation it is ideal that one remains calm so as not to aggravate situations. Is that the kind of person he is? Is he usually calm in upsetting situations? That's what you need to ask yourself. If that is the case then it will give you an idea of The fact that he had a moment. It is what keeps happening after that event that will determine what kind of character he has. If he is an aggressive or violent person n has been suppressing it will be revealed now. So open your eyes and study him. He may have apologized (thank God for that) but you have to be wise and study him closely. If you realise it is a habit you have got to get out.
I don't think you will "forget" that night until you can figure out what happened.
From your post, I see that you got an attitude about him being with his "coworkers." It sounds like he has done this many times before. You were an outsider to this group and he did not like being pressured by you. He MAY have been upset about that - BUT his reaction was extreme and must have been frightening.
You don't mention if he has ever acted like this before, but if I were you, I would hold off on any plans with this man until you see how he handles anger and frustration.
In the meantime, can you see how you baited him and tried to control the situation, then gave him an ultimatum if he didn't come home right when you wanted him to? Your actions were passive aggressive. That got him upset.
You two have a lot to sort out. Be sure you know this "other person" before you go any further with him. And look at your own actions, too.
How would you expect the guy to react. He works all week and decided to have a few drinks after work with his co workers BUT you were the one who became insecure and manipulated the situation to the point where you made him come home - I dont call that very nice, do you?.
These are his co workers and so what if they are women!!!! If he wanted to get up to no good with them im sure he could find the time considering he does work with them! Yet he decided to be truthful with you and told he he wanted to have a few drinks ALONE with them.
Stop being a drama queen!! You craftily manipulated the situation, made him come home when he was having a good time, he was clearly under the influence and therefore just reacted badly with raising his voice and knocking the door!!! Be thankful with what you have before you really do push him away.
I must admit, you can't completely blame him for his behavior. At the end of the day you did cause a conflict of interest within him. He was a having a fun time then he gets a somewhat clingy message from you potentially ruining that for him, making him feel bad for having fun without you..
He may have been under the influence of alcohol, that could definitely have happened if he isn't usually aggressive. I doubt he'd suppress this anger for a whole year without showing you in some capacity.
Even though your actions were not the best, his actions can't be accepted as good either. He was unjust to frighten you into submission like he did, all from a little text that you had sent. He had the right to be angered, but this seems a bit much.
I'd reflect upon this year, see if he actually is aggressive. See if you can find any instances where he displays an angry attitude, maybe you've been seeing your relationship with rose-tinted glasses? Until you actually experience his anger directed at you? See if that is the case, if you can't find any circumstances of that amount of anger over something, in the grand scheme of things is miniscule then it was probably alcohol. In which case be very wary when that happens. It sounds like he could potentially get quite physically aggressive in that state.
Also try to gain some independence from him. You say it felt like your heart was bleeding how he acted, which is a natural thing to happen but you should try to not let that happen. It shows your expectations are always fixated on being good, when they won't always be good and when they're not you get majorly hurt like that. You've gotta be prepared when things don't go as expected so you don't get this emotional jab in you. This can be something that can cause you to see him in the light of rose-tinted glasses. Only focusing on the good that the bad becomes almost unnoticeable. Just be more aware is the message I'm getting across, look at the weak parts of your relationship as well as the strong.
I hope that helped in some way, and I hope you have a wonderful day