Boyfriend had a past of sex with men
My boyfriend of 17 months has a past of sex with men. He had been having sex with men for at least 2 and half years. And during that time he also dated women. When I found out about this and not from him telling me he claimed it was somehthing he was very ashamed of and was part of his drug induced past. Well that was all he would say to me. I myself need more answers so after spending some time talking to one of the guys he spent 2 years seeing off and on i got a lot of insight. This man is gay and the last time he and my boyfriend where together was just weeks before we got together and informed me that evidentially just 2 days after James and I decided we would be exclusive he contacted this gay man and asked for sex but was turned down because lets call this guy Joe well Joe was still hurt from there last visit together because when James left Joe claims that they had decided to try and have a real relationship and joe was to meet James's kids and family and be introduced as his boyfriend. Joe says after James left he didn't hear from him for weeks until that text asking for sex and he felt like just a booty call and said no. James then proceeded to beg for 2 weeks with still getting told no. Jos says that there time together that he never thought Janes was straight that he never acted like normal straight men do. All I got from my boyfriend was that it was all just drug induced and now he's with me and only wants me. But I'm afriad he's not being honest with himself. any advice
I have never always been an adovcate for exposing everything to a new partner about past sexual habits. Because sometimes, it's much nicer to leave those things in the past, and not be judged for them. I can not say who your boyfriends sexual preferences are. I can only tell you my opinion in terms of sexual preferences. You may not agree, but i do not think it is simply, i like guys or girls. We fall for the person, not the gender (though aspects of gender can play a part, there are still individual differences).
Is the issue because he "played" a man? Or because he "played" someone? If you changed Joe to Jane, would you still react the same? Do you have a good sex life? Do you have a good relationship? You may need to talk to him about it though, without placing blame on any one. By simply telling him how you are feeling (say those words, your first sentence, i feel....).
I hope all goes well :)
To HMM my issue is this that he refuses to talk about it period. I've never approached him placing blame or even judging him for his past. I am however upset that after making a commitmment to me to be exclusive he did contact Joe for sex and to me he basicly has tried to cheat. Now to my knowledge he hasnt tried since. Now Joe contacts him all the time and basicly he sounds like a scorned lover and in a way I can understand that as well. He has sent me countless text when James refuses to give into what Joe wants Joe then will send me messages and giving me details of there past love affair. Evidentially he had videoed them together without James's knowledge and I received a copy of that video in the mail yesterday. And when I asked James do you plan to discuss this with me and he said NO its best we pretend you never got it. I've told James that I only want him to be happy and that if his choice is men then be honest and I will walk away and we can at some point after I'm over my heart break of being in love and losing him we could be friends and that his secret will always be safe with me that I would never out him to anyone. We have a great relationship for the most part. Our sex life comes and goes we have good times and some times not so good but I think that has to do with the amount of stress we are under with his family.