PeoplesProblems Logo

My best friend just confessed to me while I try to repair my current one

Default profile image
I am writing because I am confused and would like some advice please. My story is long, only to give context on my situation, and to let both sides be heard, but here is the gist of it; my boyfriend and I are trying to “repair” our long relationship, but my best friend has just come out and told me that he likes me and would like to be in a relationship with me. Now I am confused and do not know what to do. Please read below, if you like, to understand the situation. This is my relationship history thus far. I am writing this because I am at a point in my relationship, with my boyfriend of 8 ½ years, where I am considering breaking it off. Not because he doesn’t want to settle down with me, it is because for the past year and a half we have spent little to no quality time with each other, and this includes talking, like Skype, phone and texting. Basically no commination between us for weeks, even a month, at a time even though we live about 5 blocks away from each other. It has only recently, like 3 weeks ago, when it hit me how much we have both changed in the time we have had apart. And this revelation came to me when my boyfriend said he did not want to invite me to his college graduation because I would be alone and that he wanted to be with his friend. I could not hang out with him, or them, because his friend has a 2 seat car and there would be no room for me. This was over a Skype call, and I broke down and cried. I tried to hold it in, I told him that I would still find a way to go and support him. Even though I was truly hurt by his words, I still wanted to be there for him, because I knew, and he told me, that no one in his family would be there for him. He is the first in his family to graduate from college and I wanted to share the moment and be there for him. But he insisted I not go. Now it may seem that it was because he was hiding something from me, and it may have been, but as far as I could tell, he just didn’t want me to go. It did not take long for me to eventually break down and told him how I felt. He said he was sorry and that he never meant to be mean, only that I wasn’t alone. Which I found odd because I get around using rides and would not be alone. But the fact was I was hurt real bad. He said he would not try to apologize to me, at that time, because he believed I was too emotional and would not accept his apology. He called me an emotional wreck. I told him it was his fault because this was not the first time he chose me over his friends. On Easter I told my boyfriend he did not have to come over to my house because it was a family holiday and I wanted him to be with his family. He surprised me by coming over to my house. 30 minutes later he tells me he has to go because his friends wanted to hang out. I confronted him and said “you’re really going to leave me and my family for your friends?” He said yes, that I should not take it hard, that I didn’t want him over in the first place, which is a lie, and that I should grateful that he even came over. I was livid, but I did not let it affect me. Later when I confronted him about it he said that he was sorry that he even came over in the first place. That I forced him to come over, which again was a lie, and that I was over reacting. It was in November that I had just finished 2 very big and important projects that I had been working on for the past year. These 2 projects consumed my life and they were almost complete. I had spent little to no time with my boyfriend, and he even got mad at me for being consumed by my major. I forget what exactly, I remembered he called me a “3d whore how only loves her work”. These were for my major, 3d animator and game designer, and a make or break if I wanted to graduate on time. The day I was meant to show everything he calls me. Earlier in the week I asked if he could come to the showing, he said maybe because his schedule was busy, which I understood. He called me and told me I need to find a ride for him or else he wasn’t going to go. I told him I had too much to do to finish, and he said “fine I won’t go”. I was under too much pressure to care. When it came time to show, he made it, on bus. I was ecstatic. When I finished my show, I wanted to celebrate with him and my parents; we were all in the same car. But I noticed his friends were texting him and asking him where he was. I asked him if he would like to go home, and he said yes, and he admitted that he was going to hang with his friends. Later when I told him how much it hurt me, he said he was only trying to keep a promise he made to his friends, that he need to go and did not want them to be mad at him. To me it just seems like he is choosing his friends over me, the “girlfriend” that he hardly ever gets to see. I hate to sound like a needy girl, but when we rarely see each other, I value our time together. The fact that he would rather be with his friends, whom he constantly hangs out with, hurts me. To his defense, he has built me a personal computer, a gaming machine worth 2 thousand dollars, to help me in my studies. This is meant to represent every holiday, anniversary, and birthday of mine. And bought everything when we do go out. He has spent time with me, like once every 3-4 weeks, and bought me many games. I also admit that I was a bitch to him when we first got together, when I was 15, that I was just a bitch. (I don’t remember much but he says it was bad) when I was a senior, I changed and became nice to him. The way he explains his actions is that he only wanted me to concentrate on my studies, while we went to school and worked. That we have very busy lives, so that finding free time is hard. But I see that he is living his life, going out and hanging with many people. Yet never contacts me. I, too, live my life, but every time I try to invite him in, he makes up some excuse. Work, school, friends, out of town stuff, concerts, car shows, no ride. Yet I believe him. Now that I’ve confronted him, he says he wants to repair our relationship, but I’m emotionally drained and cannot handle any more. So much time between us has caused me to become uncomfortably around him. We have both changed so much that we are not the same person, and I can tell. I’m not comfortable around him, but he sees my action as me not trying. That I’m not the loving girlfriend any more. Within in 3 weeks of confronting him, wanting to break it off, but giving him a second chance to repair, I’ve seen him 3 times and talked to him 7 times. It was only recently that I told my best friend my problems. A day after I told him, he tells me that he would like to be in a relationship with me if I ever break up with my boyfriend. He tells me that he respects my boyfriend and would not betray, “cheat”, him like that. This has taken me completely by surprise. My best friend and I are close, nearly 2 years of constant companionship, and honestly, I am always happy when I’m around him. I never knew he felt that way. I am trying to give my current relationship a second chance, but I emotionally drained. I don’t know what to do other than see how it works out till the end of summer. After that I don’t know. Am I doing the right thing? Should I be strong and end my current one? Or just wait and see? Thank you for reading my drabbles.

My best friend just confessed to me while I try to repair my current one

Default profile image
It's really quite simple. You are falling out of love with your BF of many years - and a new love has turned your eye. You say he is not the same person now - and why would he be? There were important years there (15 to 23) that BOTH of you should have used to experience others and different situations. Instead, it is coming now for both of you. Time to get your BF to see it's better to part now and do that exploring you should have done all these years before finding the "right" person.

My best friend just confessed to me while I try to repair my current one

Default profile image
At the end of the day, if your BF wanted/needed to be with you, he would spend as much time with you as possible. When he makes excuses etc not to be with you, then you're not his priority. When he selfishly turns on you and blames you for HIS unacceptable behavior then it's well and truly time for you to take two steps back from him and ask yourself if he's really worth the hassle. When you sense changes happening in your life which don't involve him, or revolve around him, you're basically starting to move on from him. Your relationship with your best friend could develop in the future into something more.. but be fair to the both of you and move on properly first from your current 'sometimes' man.

My best friend just confessed to me while I try to repair my current one

Default profile image
I think you need to spend some time on your own without a boyfriend. Your current boyfriend definitely seems like he wants to live the single life. But, he also wants to keep you around just in case. This could turn into a controlling relationship in my opinion. You should get out before you two are living together and he's blaming you for all your relationship problems. He can spend all the money in the world on you but money can't buy love. I honestly think you should spend some time concentrating on you and not worry about dating. You have been with him for so long, you really have no clue what's out there for you anymore. If you two were meant to be, he'd come back to find you once he gets over his urge to play the singles life. Please don't jump right into a new relationship, especially with your best friend. Don't ruin a friendship with a rebound relationship. Stay single for a bit, get a feel for what and who you want in life and then take it from there. Good luck!

This thread has expired - why not start your own?

B-2