Help with my marriage
I will be married for 10 years come next month. About a week ago I discovered that my husband has been emailing women from all over from adds placed online for 2 years. I saw all of the emails and not once have I seen any numbers exchange but I do see him sending dirty emails and these women reply with dirty pics. I confronted him and he did admit to it and said he doesn't know why he did it. He has been proclaiming his love for me and apologizing since he got caught and says he will do whatever I need of him to regain his trust. I do love him but don't know if I could ever trust him again. He says never again and I want to believe him but in my head I say what about the next time we argue or something will he do it again? I have asked several people and they all say the same thing, it was all email never texting calls or physical contact, but it still hurts. He said he will go to therapy do whatever he needs to fix this, but I don't know if I can get over this. Does anyone have any experience with something like this? How did it turn out? What did you do to get past this. Also we have 2 kids ages 16 and 13. Any insight would be so appreciated!
Thanks in advance!
I wonder what is going on in his life to cause him to seek this kind of excitement - when he has a willing and able woman to provide that.
(Of course, I am assuming that you ARE willing to be exciting after 10 years of marriage)
I'm not condoning or rationalizing what he did, but it seems you two could use some counseling.
Firstly, if your marriage was solid, and had trust and communication, he would have discussed with you his issues before he went down the track of emailing other woman.
Secondly, your friends are wrong when they say it's just emails because, in my opinion, he has cheated on you. Ask yourself why it still hurts even though he didn't have physical contact. He has betrayed you and his marriage to you...and his children.
Your husband has admitted his actions and he is willing to attend therapy and has been proclaiming his love for you, but only AFTER you discovered his emailing.
You need to ask yourself if your marriage had love, honesty and respect in the past...then ask if you can have it in the future.
Your husband is willing to go to a counselor and that's probably the best thing for him and you need to be there with him. If you aren't, then you've made your mind up to move on regardless of the consequences.
You both surely have issues between you that needs to be sorted out before taking a decision. Go for therapy and see how its turning out? If he has really learnt from this and is resolved to not repeat it, he may not. I'd suggest give him one more chance. Now what if he repeats it? Then there is no confusion on what to do, isn't it?
Your question on how to get over this....time is a cure for everything. As time passes the intensity of this hurt decreases leaving only a faint memory of it.