Everything seems wrong today
So I'm ranting on here because I'm not usually a complainer, I HATE telling people how sad I'm feeling.
A few things have gone wrong lately and I just want to try to get things in perspective, I don't know whether I'm overreacting or not to stuff.
I'll list it, if I try to write it in a paragraph, we'll be here all night!
-My best friend is severely anorexic and psychotic, in a high security unit got obsessed with me, went nuts and stopped speaking to me after I was her main support for 18 months ish
-My other mate, who I lived with also went nuts after he and I walked on his mother's suicide scene and moved out of our house (of which we shared the rent), refused to pay and took half my stuff
-My ex boyfriend, who up until this point I loved deeply, trusted and all that malarkey, came forward after we had been together for a real long time and told me that he had a porn addiction (a little while before he met me) and had sexually assaulted somebody when he was younger. He went to the police, I supported him though it as I was the one that encouraged him and he nearly got sent down. Heavy, right?!
-My boyfriend has terrible TERRIBLE anger problems, he usually belittles me and yells at me/ calls me names/ tells me to fuck off back home. For the first time today, physically hurt me by throwing my big heavy sciencey book out of my hands whilst of course yelling, calling me names and telling me to go back home. I don't love him anymore,he treats me like dirt, simple as that, but I am stuck living with him until the contract is up on our property.
-Recently, I have been diagnosed with a blood clot in one of the blood vessels in my eye which could cause me to lose my sight in it forever, but also means I may have deadly blood clotting disorder, but I won't find out until the test results are back
-I have been so depressed/ stressed/ ill this year that I have completely dicked the dog with my uni course, something I really care for and may get chucked out because of my lack of attendance and the fact that I missed some exams whilst being ill and stressed.
I feel like everything is wrong today. Am I overreacting? Is there a good side to all this shit? I don't want pity or sympathy, I just want to get it off my chest and hopefully see some good in this all.
Thank you for reading and well done if you survived this rant so far!
It would seem that you've had alot to put up with. I too have been in situations that demanded the best out of me while returning shit's worth in conclusion.
Life often if not always dictates terms not own its own but through people that are the closest to you. Its a pretty dick stunt to pull off, but every relationship comes with its own iteration. In these moments of loneliness i ask you to remain calm and start thinking about your future. There is absolutely no time to waste in a situation like yours.
Apart from cutting lose of your boyfriend, you also need to grasp reality ny its crux and pull yourself over. Easier said than done i know, but do you have a choice? I don't know you, but i sense a certain longing for travel and exploration. Perhaps before you settle down in life, you need to get away from deep within the bowels of this rather cruel situation and think it over.
Extract whatever lessons you may from this and apply it to yourself religiously. If at all you ever feel lonely, do remember that your truest friends are yet to be unearthed.
I wish you well and if you ever feel the urge to talk, you may reach me on [e-mail address removed]
Hello. You certainly are going through a rather tough time on every level and I can really emphathise with you. Life sometimes and often throws us curve balls and there are usually lessons for us to learn in the mix of it all. SOunds like a crap way to experience certain things, but that is the way it is. Yet you can change how you experience life from being crap to one where you are more in control of what happens.
All the stuff you mentioned has been attracted into your space by something deep inside you which you are not aware of. Have you watched The Secret or looked at some of the amazing transformational work by Louise Hay.
I really do sense you are a very very caring person who seems to have been at the receiving end of lots of CRAP, yet I also feel your inner child crying out in pain and because of that you have attracted into your life certain experiences which reflect that pain.
There is a strong sense that you are looking for love, but you hold a lot back in your heart Koala. So your head tells you one thing yet your heart tells you another and a lot of this is to do with trust as well. You want to give 100% but you hold back as well.
Also when you learn to put you first then everything in your world starts to revolve around you better. You give and give and have become a Martyr of giving but when we do this, we become out of balance and sync with ourselves because we are saying I don't really care about my needs, I'll just do for others - most people operate like this - but for you its now time to step back and really look at what YOU want.
Taking time to nurture yourself and get to know you is important. The blood clot I sense is stress.
Once you claim back and take back your personal power then you will attract different experiences into your life and its not your fault in a way why you are in this situation, but see the beauty in this that you don't like the situation so you can change it.
Check this out - https://www.google.co.uk/#q=louise+hay+on+love+relationships
Your boyfriend has anger problems because he is not happy within himself. He uses you as a punch bag because of his own vulnerability. If you go back into his life you will see there are issues around his childhood or lack of emotional attachment.
Feel free to contact me if you require any other advice.
Heaps of love to you
Stop fishing in the crazy lake.
SUSIEDQ Thank you for that glorious insight, but believe me, I have already told myself that more times than you have trolled other people's posts!
PRODIGAL- Yep, you are probably right that I need to act swiftly with the boyf, it really helps to hear an outsider's point of view on the matter as I, as most people are, am guilty of getting tangled up in love and commitment even when it is not deserved by the person receiving it.
SOULJOURNEYING- You seem to really understand my problem and what I am like. I want nothing more than to give my love to somebody that will respect it and my wishes, but so far I have stumbled upon people who just drain me and barely allow to me to run away with any dignity or self-respect, let alone strength to stand up to the next fool I meet!
What you said about my inner child is very interesting, nobody has ever presented that idea to me before and I would really like to learn more about it.
What you said was so uplifting as it really struck a chord with me, it brings clarity to the whole situation. I would be absolutely honoured to hear more of your insight
Thanks to all for lifting my mood