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Feel I'm not good enough

Posted by
SUNSHINELOVE
on Jun 4 2014 at 11:51
Member since: 14 April 2014
Relationship advice My husband looks at women even ones half his age and as done right in front of me and stares sometimes at them. I really feel this as I am 43 and he is 47 I look after myself and make the most of myself but if I had the money I would get quite alot done. I look at other men but I dont stare at them like he does with women and I feel I'm not good enough. I have told him about his staring and he says when he is talking to someone hes not suppossed to look at the floor but its embarrassing for me because when he does it the woman must pity me knowing my man is looking at her when im with him. Our anniversary is next week and I think he as only remembered it because he as an appointment that day not because its supposed to be a special day. I put make up on dress nice get my hair done regularly and sometimes I feel I look nice then we will go out and I see othet women and I statt comparing myself wishing I looked like them as I dont like myself very much and my father once said what was the attraction my husband found in me and I would of ended up a spinster if i hadnt of met my husband and sometimes I think your so right I would of done and I am a plain woman and I start hating everything about me even wishing I hadnt of been born

Feel I'm not good enough

Reply from
MOUNTAIN
on Jun 4 2014 at 13:29
Member since: 24 February 2014
Hi Sunshinelove,

Firstly I hear alot of anger and criticism towards yourself.

This is rooted in childhood and you have absorbed negative feedback from your father..... The Critical Parent probably over time has become part of your unconscious rules, they are your co-ordinates for your map of reality,of how you operate in the world, your belief system, you fear rejection,again.

As a result the concept of self,is damaged. You are wide open to exploitation,from others and your biggest critic is YOURSELF.

How does it feel when I tell you that you are continuing the negative crap from your father.

There is a need inside of you to protect yourself. You need massive reassurance,love protection, I can tell you that you can feel level again.

Go to couselling, it will help, explore your conditioning, which is very damaging to you.

We have to parent ourselves as adults.

From what you are saying you are regressing back to childhood, you are passive, and inside your mind you believe that their opinion of your appearance is more valuable, without that you are worthless right?

Option 1,stay here in this place that you are locked into, and forever play out the past and the dynamics between you and your father. Nothing will change ,it will stay the same, it is comfortable for you in some way, even though it hurts, but it means saying goodbye to that child, and parenting her. Negotiate with your inner child, because she is your responsibility now.

I am the same ,and so is everybody else as adults we parent ourselves. We undo are parents parents crap and we find ourselves.

Change the unconscious script.

You do not need any bodies else approval only your own!!!!!!!!!

Give yourself the compliments, put yourself on that pedestal, worry first about the most important RELATIONSHIP in your life,that is the one you have with you.

The inner dialogue you have with yourself is one of the saddest ones I have read, please seek counseling and alter that software.

Good luck.

Feel I'm not good enough

Reply from
STONETEMPLE
on Jun 4 2014 at 15:42
Member since: 23 March 2014
Chane what is in the inside ,the outside fades in time, but the money into your inner self and the results will shine on the outside.

Its simply about how you carry yourself in the world,start by telling you father to politely F_OFF..... because he is wrong, walk out on the street and ask 20 people all of them will agree.

Your husband does not understand you most men do not get that deep emotional need. That is yours do protect. i do not know your husband but I'd say he would want you to be happy inside and I am sure if it was possible,he would. He can't it is impossible for him,he is too busy keeping himself above water. The expectation is too high. You want him to see you, SEE yourself.

Feel I'm not good enough

Reply from
SUSIEDQQ
on Jun 4 2014 at 20:33
Member since: 27 December 2013
Is he LEERING or just looking at other women?

You father's comment was cruel and pulled you down, for sure. Your self esteem is very low. and now you have a man who you say pulls you down.

Time to explore all these feeling with a counselor. Good luck. You are so hard on yourself,dear.

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