Trouble dealing with boyfriend's past
I have been with my boyfriend now nearly 7 months and for the last 5 months or so it's been playing on my mind that he's slept with people. I'm a virgin and have been brought up to wait for the right person and I feel he's wasted what could have been a special first time together on people who didn't deserve him because they cheated on him and used him. It didn't bother me to start with but as we've grown closer and we're getting ready to sleep together, thoughts of him and them having sex have been entering my mind. I'm torturing myself imagining his penis inside them and their pleasure and I'm in a right state. I was thinking it wouldn't be as special for him as it will be for me when we first sleep together because he's done it all before but he said for him it'll be more special than ever because he's never felt like this about anyone and never loved anyone as much as he loves me and so for him it will be like the first time all over again and he sees a future with me which he didn't with them. He wants to marry me and have children with me and we love each other so much so why am I letting the past ruin the present and the future? How can i stop my thoughts and just accept he's with me now and I'm the one who's special to him? What can I do?
This is exactly the same for me, am 20 my bf is 25, i was a virgin when i met him, but he has slept wirth many many girls, what hurts more is that, i was his friend for half years and than started dating an we been together for 2 half years, av kwn him since i was 15, he told me everything, an use to ask for advice sometimes about his problems, i knw the girls name an seen their faces, even tho i fancyed him i neva told him than in 2006 he asked me out. i NEVER imagined i would date him an it hurts alot in the beginning.. knowin him in an out about his past, his trouble an what he use to do.. an me all opposite of him as i was waitin for my mr right... but i guess it was meant to be... i dnt have no regrets as i love the guy an he loves me too *Touch wood* he hasnt had propa r/ship since the age of 20 an am his 2nd serious r/ship but between than his been sleeping about.. but yeh.. i know what u mean constantly thinkin about others... DONT.. jus let his past goo.. everyone has a past an not every1 is perfect...if u love him an feel for him, an he makes u feel special... than dnt have regrets.. as he said he neva felt like this b4... but take it slow.. i didnt have it with mt bf for over a year.. as i wanted to see if he has truly the patience to wait for me to be ready an that it wont just simply be sex.. but love making!.. so take is slow.. an only do it if ur ready... an let go of his past... ur the one whoes his with now.. an he sees a future with you.. so you never know what he can lead too..
whats meant to be will always finds its way x
sorry about the spelling mistakes, an i meant i was his friend for 2 half years and an started dating an been together for nearly 2 half years
I know that I need to just look to the future and enjoy the present but it's just difficult knowing he's been so intimate with people before. I've read on other forums that it's not actually about the act but the emotional connection which he hasn't got with them now. He's with me. And also I've read that isn't it better to know that you're someone's last, they've chose you for life than worry you're not their first but it is difficult when you've been brought up to wait like I have. Has anyone suffered as badly as I have and got over it and if so how? I feel physically sick with it sometimes and can't eat!
I have the exact same situation but the other way round, i had an unhealthy sex life before i met the guy i'm with today [we've been together 2 and a half years now] it was an issue for him as it is for you and i recognise some of the things you say are exactly what he used to say. I think you should speak to him a little about it, not to moan or make an issue of, just talk and ask questions. The way you say you have been brought up may mean you find sex a subject you dont talk about much.
I know my boyfriend hated the fact i had sex with many people but i can honestly say i went through a time in my life where that was what i wanted to do, and now its been two years that i've stayed with the same man and i love it. I barely remember my past because it wasnt that important. Maybe thats how your boyfriend thinks of it, as something that wasnt important.
In all honesty, you say you've been with him 7 months and you havent had sex: that shows he understands how it means to YOU and is prepared to make it special for YOU.
Dont worry too much about other girls, its only an issue if he goes back to that life whilst he's with you. People can change. Make the most of him =] x
How did your husband deal with it? What steps did he take to get over it? We've been together over 7 months now and he's been really supportive about my issues. We do talk about it and he says he wishes he had waited and was still a virgin but while he's made mistakes in the past and bad choices he has learnt from them and I don't want to hold this against him. He's so sweet and loving. I just don't want to think about them anymore but it's not easy.