Concern for exes when in a relationship
Recently my girlfriend discovered I had been searching for a couple of my exes on Facebook. I do not have romantic or sexual feelings for them. Both had been contacting me recently and I wasn't even replying to their e-mails, (I told my girlfriend this but not that I was checking up on them via FB). I was not communicating with them in any way - no e-mail, chat, phone etc...). I really wanted both of them to find someone like I had and be happy. I was checking on a semi-regular basis to see if they were in relationships because it would give me piece of mind. When I was still speaking with them, I was so supportive of them finding happiness with someone else. My girlfriend naturally assumed the worst, but I truly just wanted my exes to move on and forget me. I care for them but I do not want to be with them - I love my current g-friend to bits. I just tend to be a very empathetic person by nature and I want people I cared about at one time to be happy. I have since blocked these people on FB so I can't see what they are doing. The problem is my girlfriend is not believing anything I tell her now.
Is there any rational explanation as to why I did this because right now I look really bad?
Hi I can see why you got the reaction from your girlfriend....
You are not innocent in this and should take ownership of creating this dispute. My point is that you stated at the start of your post that you were searching for you exes..... To see how they are? and are moved on and happy!!!
I am sure there is life after you, and I think you are patronizing to these girls and your current girl.
Quote ' I truly wanted both of them to find someone like I had and be happy' To 'give you piece of mind'
Quote my girlfriend assumes the worst ,but I truly just wanted my exes to move on.....'
Sorry there, I think it is you that needs to move on you searched for and was 'checking on a semi regular basis' their account it looks like you are obsessed with them. Now you are sulking because you had to give up this....
You describe yourself as 'empathetic person' show that for your girlfriend who is hurt....
This is about your ego.... nothing else...
You don't really care about these girls.... you refer to them as 'these people'
Communicate more and BE PRESENT with your girl,focus on the now.... because if you don't I have a feeling you will be searching for this current girl on social network sites in a few months....
Ever hear this one: "Curiosity killed the cat"
Of all this things you could "search" for - exes are not in that category.
Now be the nice, empathetic person you are and let them be and MYOB.
You need to let your exs go so they get on with their lives as you need to do. They need to find their own happiness their way.
If you're the caring and emphatic individual as you state you are, then you need to channel those attributes into your current relationship.
Your GF has every right to assume the worst because you're living in the past rather than in the present with her. Give your GF peace of mind and be supportive of her.
Thanks for the replies everyone. I should add that it's not an ego issue for me. Both of these women have expressed feelings for me despite the fact they both know I'm with someone else. I just want them to move on, (although I guess that's a tad hypocritical).
In other news, we've had a good talk about it and things are progressing nicely.