My husband is wrecking me and our family
I am really struggling to deal with my husband. He has an addictive personality and there have always been issues with drinking and gambling. Somehow we have stayed together for 10 years and had two gorgeous children together. I keep hoping that things will change and sometimes for a time they do. But we always land back here with him putting gambling and drinking before me and the kids. I don't mind a bit of fun and a few drinks or a boys night here and there but everything is always overboard. There is no moderation or sense of balance. He goes out a minimum of one to three nights every week to gamble or drink with the boys. We are close to 40. How can we not have grown up? I have started drinking more to relate to him. I have started going on girls nights to show him what it feels like to be left waiting at home and to show him I can have a life too. I don't like what I have become. Many a Sunday we are too hungover to have quality time with our kids though I always look after and take care of them it is not the family I imagined or want. I don't believe divorce is an option as my parents divorced and we were definitely worse off. He makes me feel like it is normal and I am abnormal. But I am the only wife who puts up with this kind of shit. I am sick with flu from not taking care of myself. Have to get up at 530 am to get kids to school and he has a friend over. They are both hammered. He promised me he would be out of here at 9pm. It is now 11pm. All I can hear is swearing and drunken shouting in my family home. How do I live with him and not break up my family and not partake in all this. Still be a good mom and look after myself. Please help I am so lost.
Please start attending Alanon.
That's for people who are living with alcoholics and suffer like you do.
His behavior is NOT normal.
There are worse things than divorce for a child - one of them is to have your father as a raging alcoholic while mom did nothing about it to protect the children.
IMO you need to issue an ultimatum and if you are ignored or ridiculed you need to begin divorce proceedings. Forcing yourself to drink will only make you feel worse. He obviously has no respect for you or for the marriage or for his family. There's nothing wrong with having a little fun but if he isn't capable of controlling himself you have to get out for your sake and for your kids. You are under no obligation to endure a miserable situation like that. Good luck.