Okay, so my boyfriend and I have been together about a year now, and everything's been tough but so great at the same time I wouldn't give it up for the world! Recently, he's been texting one of his "girls that are friends" lately, and I'm trying hard not to let it bug me, because 1.shes very pretty and has a very nice figure 2.shes kind of desperate for a guys attention and lastly him and her had sex a long time ago while they were drunk. That's the big issue!!!!! I do not feel comfortable with that AT ALL! What if they are conversing about that? Obviously she's an attractive girl, what if he's interested in her. She comments on some of his posts on social media websites and recently posted a screen shot of an innocent conversation they were having online. I don't know if I'm being crazy or "insecure" as he'd tell me, but i don't know how else to react! I feel as though if she was just a "meaningless friend" or "something that's irrelevant to fight about" that he would just drop her? You know? Not make it a big deal!
Well help me, someone please, FAST!
Am I crazy or are my senses straight?
He should be willing to stop talking to this girl. He's given you reason to feel insecure...so he should fix it. You deserve a relationship where you feel 100% comfortable and confident and secure.
Of course you would feel insecure with your BF talking to another woman, especially one who he knows intimately.
Take your thoughts further and ask yourself why he is doing this. Is your relationship all good? You need to have a serious talk with him because if your relationship was great, and you were totally on his radar, then he wouldn't bother talking to her at all even if she's desperate for the attention.
We are 17 and 18, young. But we can still have a lot of feelings
In my opinion you're being both crazy and insecure. In fact saying crazy insecure is probably a better term, since crazy on its own sounds somewhat offensive.
These are insecurities you're inflating beyond belief! 1. You THINK she's really really pretty, subjectively your partner may not think that way. 2. You perceive as just wanting guys attention, most likely because you have this insecurity.
The big one here is that they had sex on a drunk night. A few things to consider, they were drunk. This means their brains were not functioning to the highest capacity, it was slowed down, so they're more prone to making silly, rash decision. This was a mistake he made while drunk, I don't think you should consider this too highly. You say they may converse about it? Why would they do that? They've probably already talked about it if they were doing to and most likely even if they were talking about it, what's the harm? It's something that happened in their life a mistake they both made, they shouldn't be restricted to not talking about it.
Unless you have reason to believe that your partner is making romantic advances on this women, then I don't think there is an issue. If this other women is making romantic advances, obviously your partner should be rejecting to that or not joining in with them. That is the only time when you need to be concerned.
I disagree with the mentality, "If he loves me, he should just drop her" A relationship isn't about sacrifices. He shouldn't need to drop friends, a relationship should add, not take away from life. "Not make it a big deal!" Dropping a friend is a pretty big deal, you don't really know how close these two are? He shouldn't seclude himself off from her, in any circumstance. That shows a lack of trust, if he values his friends he would never do that! It's heartless! Think if that happened to you?
Unless you have reason or evidence to believe he is doing something that goes against his relationship with you, then you should not need to worry about this. You need to have faith in him that he isn't doing anything wrong. I understand, easier said than done, but that must be done to have a healthy relationship.
Something very concerning that is mentioned in the other two posts is that he should stop talking to her. No! This is very bad, it leads to distrust and it vandalizes another persons current life social standing. A relationship is about negotiation of these problems, you need to consider both what he wants and what you want and come to an agreement. You both need equal control, i.e you ordering him to cut her off, is you in full control, not nice.
Perhaps have a discussion with him on how you can be less jealous of her? For instance if he's talking to this women constantly, so much you feel neglected, then this is an issue. He should be spending more time with you in this regard, since this is the reason you're in a relationship, so the solution would be request he find more time. Maybe if there is no issue with time spent or another other non-vital problem, it's just this facts insecures you. Then maybe, try to avoid looking at her facebook posts? Put her posts on ignore? (Not block her, you can ignore a certain persons posts so they don't appear on your homepage, but you can still see them once you go to her profile).
Something like that sounds sensible. As long this women does not majorly influence your relationship, she's a completely separate entity in his life. There is a reason he's with you and not her.
I hope that helped, good luck with your relationship and have a wonderful day
Not every relationship is for every person. If this is bothering you he needs to respect that and make a choice.
Personally I would not allow it. He would have to choose the most important woman in his life and if it was not me then I would remove myself from his life.