I'm lost for words. I feel numb. I know I have a God who loves me and would never leave my side.. so why so alone.
The man I love, married, and have child with does not want me. He has nothing but hatefulness, and a bitter tongue towards me. The words he calls me like "b@$ )" and "w! $&!" hit my heart like a knife. He tell me to "shut the f@#& up everyday and puts me down. He makes me feel so low.. so dumb. He looks at me in a way you look at a murderer... pure hate. His eyes and face scowl at me... I see no love and no mercy.
He tells me he does not care for me. He tells me he doesn't want me. He takes his ring off in anger amd screams curse words... in front of my two babies. They see how he is.
He treats my son so different. He gets onto his every little move. He has such hate in his words towards him. He says he cares and loves him but he lies. You don't treat a helpless child in such a way. It breaks me into pieces.
I get no break and I'm scared to ask for his help. His answers are always so mean. He acts so annoyed with me when I just crave his love and attention. I want so bad for him to care for me and my child the way god intended.
He even got physical. I dread every day him walking through the door.. I don't know who it will be or what he will say. He walks in gives me a mean look and gets onto carter for a toy or something he sees he doesn't like. He goes to the room and changes. If it hasn't been a difficult day dinner will be ready. He will go to the couch and it starts. Bitter words and hateful remarks to me and my son.
I am sick.. so sick and have no energy. He is being so mean. Telling me I'm wrong for every move I make. Belittling me. I go to carter's room to get him to sleep, poor carter is sick. I fall asleep. Ava is crying when I awake and I'm being yelled at to "come here now". I'm so sick with a high fever and extremely weak due to nursing. I ask him to please being me Avalyn.. he yells at me saying I ignored him and I'm ignoring my sweet Avalyn. I fell asleep. I'm tired and sick and sick and tired of being treated this way. I come out to the living room to feed her, and I ask for her paci. He tells me I lost it. I please ask if he could find it and he huffs and puffs. He starts off on me again telling me I'm a f@$!&^/ joke. Carter comes in and lays on the couch. I don't mind. He then says f^&$@%# really dude? Then slams his door. I began to cry. I go through this every day and being sick is not helping. I start to gag aaron walks out and is like omg and huffing and puffing. I go to the restroom and puke. I'm sick I can't help it. He gives me ava shes fussy probably bcus my tension. He ask if shes okay.. I misunderstand and say I'm fine and he says I don't care about you I'm talking about Ava. I get cursed at and he also says "I wish I was strong enough to leave you" and slams his door.
What?! Why would he say that when I'm the one being brought down. I pray.
He never wants to go to church anymore. He purposly turns my alarms off. He refuses to pay tithes if we do go. He says god doesn't want him to bcus were poor. I don't agree and the bible even says in scripture to do so, yet I'm wrong.
I don't know what else to do. I'm scared to tell anyone. He threatens to take my little Ava from me. I can't do that, not again. I'm scared to tell people bcus they will say "it takes two".. but it doesn't. I only stand up for myself and my children. I am so nice to him. I know I have my moments but they are rare and it's because I'm so overwhelmed. Idk what to do. I can't keep living this way. I'm scared. I'm lonely. I'm sick of crying almost every night. I can't even sleep with him.. I don't feel comfortable. I get grossed out when he tries to touch me because of his attitude. How can I respect my own husband when he treats me so horribly. I just want to be loved for me. I am only 22.. idk what to do.
You cannot continue to put yourself and your children at the mercy of this abusive man.
God does not want you to live like this - but YOU must make the move to make a better life.
My mom knows how he is and I have been thinking about telling my pastor's wife.
Tell the pastor's wife and the pastor. You are going to need their support later.
Good luck. Your children are suffering now in this home filled with such hate and hysteria.
There are many stories in the newspapers and news we read nowadays where innocent children have been killed at the hands of their step fathers. The mothers knew the abuse was taking place but either turned a blind eye to it or was just too weak to say anything. For some reason, these stories just came into my mind when I was reading your problem.
My opinion? You need to get away from this vile and vindictive husband of yours as soon as possible and never look back UNLESS he proves to you 100% he has changed.
Your child from your previous marriage is suffering and the poor kid will be left mentally unstable when he is older. Your words "He has such hate in his words towards my child" and you as a mother can see it? But still continue to live with this man? He emotionaly and physicaly abuses your child yet you still contine to live with this man? And you say you still love him?
Sorry to be so harsh but if not for your sake, for the sake of your child, develop a back bone and walk out of this marriage. I know its not easy but if you stay, you will be ruining the lives of many generations to come. Or you will as I stated above, be another sad tale in our headlines.
You have too much on your hands with 2 small babies. Is it possible he is frustrated with decrease in the sex life? Either way its wrong of him to take it out in this fashion (if thats the case).
Replies are no longer accepted on this thread. Why not start your own topic? - it only takes a moment to register with your e-mail address