So my problem begins with the fact that I started dating a man who my best friend in the world at first did not want to introduce me to. She at first began off saying she doesn't trust him with me, she thinks im too good for him, and she did warn me a lot, but finally she decided to let him talk to me. At the time I was dating someone, but I was actually looking to get out of that relationship anyway. I didn't end that relationship until I finally decided to take a week to spend with the other man. The relationship with the other man actually was great, but I admit it moved a little fast the moment I got there.
So the second time I decide to visit him, I find out about another woman who came over to his house randomly ( he shares it with two other room mates) and she was let into the house. She barged into his room and saw him and I together. She got extremely upset. Later I end up finding out she thought she was in some kind of relationship with him, even though they've never done anything together except kiss ( which she admitted to me.) I eventually get over it and say okay, as long as they are only friends.
Then I get a message from another woman who he hasn't seen in 3-4 months, but shes also upset because she claimed to be in a relationship as well. This woman confuses me though because shes already in a relationship and also wants him. He knows that, and yet he continues to talk to her. We are at a point in our relationship where I feel as though he shouldn't be talking to her at all. I've asked him not to continue talking to her and he gives me a bullshit excuse about, her not causing any problems so he doesn't see a reason to end their friendship. But I know for a fact she wants him, she wont stop messaging me about being in a relationship with him and its all really too much.
So heres the worst part where my question starts.
Last night I got him to just be blunt and honest. I asked if he has feelings for that woman anymore (because they did have a past relationship, but she wont give up who shes with now for him.) He told me, he has feelings for a couple other women but im the only one, he has over his house all the time, sleeping with him, sex, going out, etc. That really fucking hurt me. It hurt really bad to know he says he loves me, but he also has feelings for other women. He says he has to straighten his feelings out before him and I can move any further or if he decides he wants someone else.
My question is, what the hell I should do. I have people telling me to just cut him off. That if he really loved me, he would be dating only me and not giving any of his heart to anyone else. Some have told me if hes worth it, than I should do my best and stick around until he makes his decision. I really don't know what I should do about it because I am incredibly emotionally drained. I haven't been depressed in years, and this entire thing just has me depressed as hell. I don't really sleep, I lay around crying, and I want to try to stick it through, but its amazingly fucking hard.
Firstly, In a relationship I don't think you should ever make the request for your partner to flat out stop talking to someone. That is there life decision and not yours, a relationship should not detract from someones life but add to it. Even if you don't like the fact she keeps messaging and clearly wants a relationship. You have faith he'll stick around and you ignore this women if she irritates you.
Relating to the key portion of your problem. Now I can see how you would be hurt by that, it's an incredibly insensitive thing for him to be in a relationship with you if he's that indecisive about his feelings.
Now I'm rather confused. I don't know if you forgot to mention any details, but from the information you told, being he has feelings for many other women BUT "im the only one, he has over his house all the time, sleeping with him, sex, going out, etc." If that's his only justification for getting with you and he didn't say anything like "Well I feel my feelings for you are stronger than the other women" or "I love you more than them". Then I'm sorry to discover this, but it sounds like he's only with you out of matter of convenience?! You were the one conveniently there, so there he got into a relationship with you!? That's not right!
Now if he says he needs to straighten out his feelings before he can progress, then that shows some indecision, that will majorly hurt you potentially in the long run.
Now in this situation it all depends on your feelings towards this situation and your ability to cope with the potential wait. The reason you got some many mixed responses is because a decision like this is very dependent on the person making it. There is no best answer for everyone, one best answer may be best for you, another may be best for someone else.
Now, there may be a risk of him cheating in the future if this ever works out in favor of you. He seems to have a lot of indecision, I say this because both of these women thought they had something with him. Which indicates to me he didn't make it clear what their position was with him. Which means they thought "Oh he loves me!", and he let that happen to the extent of thinking they were in a relationship or something. People don't accidentally think that, unless they're pretty crazy. With all of this in mind, if it works out for you and you get into a relationship, there is no guarantee he won't get indecisive again and maybe even cheat, depending on his morals he may not cheat, but you have to be prepared for that being the worst case scenario.
Another aspect that will make this difficult, if it works out, is all these other women he has feelings for. Can this person control these feelings he has? Can he control them not to show affection to them on a romantic level? Or perhaps a major level of interaction your uncomfortable with? Would all these other women cause some jealousy in you? Or discomfort? Could you cope with that and see beyond those things and have faith and trust within him?
Assessing his trust: You'll never know if he will be trust worthy after he's made his decision. He could be, he may not be, he may stick to his principles and majorly dedicate to you and make good decision relationship wise, from there on in. However, considering his recent actions of getting into a relationship with you, only because you were seemingly convenient makes me very concerned as to the likelihood of him doing this. Since that was A MAJORLY INSENSITIVE decision on his part. He did not consider your feelings AT ALL if the relationship train wrecked into him getting into another one with another girl. Since he didn't wanna move on until he made a decision, so if you never asked this, it was a very real situation of him dumping you for another girl just cause he felt like it. Therefore I'd say it's more likely for him to be untrustworthy, however keep in mind people can change and this may not be true in reality. To find out you'll have to give him the opportunity to show you one way or the other. That is the only way to know.
Another issue is just the wait in general. How do you feel about this wait? What does this make you think of him as a person in general? Personally I think if he had strong feelings for you, this situation should have occur, he shouldn't have to think about who he loves before progressing. Another thing, can you cope with this wait? Holding onto the hope he may pick you? Since that hope is also going dangerous if he doesn't pick you, it could hurt you very much emotionally at the end.
In summation: Can you cope with the potential, wait, jealousy and indecisiveness(leading to potential cheating)? Can you trust this person and have faith in him to the point all these issues are over looked? Since that is what you'll need to do to have a healthy relationship with him. It's a lot of emotional strain and if all that trust, hope and faith is broken, I can't imagine the feeling of all of that being broken. In my opinion his action of him getting into a relationship with you shows enough insensitivity that I would not take the risk. However, I'm not you and you do think all this would be worth it for you?
Where there is a risk, there will be the chance for something good to happen and bad to happen. That risk is something you will need to take when pursuing a relationship with him.
In conclusion you need to consider can you cope? Can you have trust and faith in this person? What does all this make you think of him? Are you willing to take the risk? Will it all be worth it in the end? And finally. Do you wait? Or do you leave and bury your feelings for him? Leaving is certainly the safest option, but it's also the least fulfilling.
I hope that helped, good luck with your potential relationship and have a wonderful day
Give his HEART to you?
He is giving other parts of himself to many other women.
He's not ready for you. Distance yourself and make him miss you. If he does not, then he should not be with you.
it really sounds like you bounced from one relationship to the next, that's never a good idea. And it sounds like the three of you are trying to have it all when you can not.
He wants you, he wants this other women and he wants a few other women too. She wants him and her boyfriend. And you want a man who is not as emotionally devoted to you as you are to him.
So you have received advice to stick around until he make a choice? and how long is that suppose to take? and why should he make that choice at all? he already has you there waiting around on him. Are you willing to do that? continue with the depression and the not being able to eat until who knows when he decides to ditch you or stich around? and then what next? a few months latter he find another woman to get emotionally attached to and have to start the process all over again?
This is my philosophy, I will not be your 2nd choice, I will not even be your 1st choice. I will be your only choice of I'll remove my self from your choices. I don't want to be a mans second girl, I don't want to be his first girl, I want to be his only girl. Or I will find a man that can do that.