Reading through here, my problem seems trite...
But here goes anyway...
I'm dating a wonderful woman. She is beautiful, smartish and good. Basically, she checks the boxes for anyone who is describing an outline of who they'd like to date.
I'm 30 years old and have had a series of long term relationships broken up by extended periods of single life including short flings.
She is 26, with a masters degree and only a couple serious relationships and no "flings" on her resume.
We have been dating just over a year.
My issue is that we have nothing in common.
-I grew up poor, had a job since 12 and moved out at age 17. She grew up middle class and lived with her mother until she was 24.
-I have an expanse of interests from politics, to sports, to business, philosophy, literature... She is laser like focused on her area of speech pathology that is her job helping kids. It's all she ever wants to talk about and I don't ever want to hear about it anymore.
-She wants kids. I don't want kids.
-She wants marriage. I don't want marriage.
-She is sick in some form nearly all the time. I am never sick.
-I'm 15 minutes early for everything. She's up to an hour late for everything.
-I enjoy long periods of solitude. She starts texting that she "misses" me after a day apart.
-As a kid, I watched TV and movies and listened to music. She was sheltered so she didn't absorb much pop culture. As a result, she doesn't get my jokes.
I could make this list 60 lines long, but you probably get the point. We don't seem to share commonality past, present or future.
Our relationship has become us sitting in rooms in silence. If I try to have a conversation about our relationship, she begins to cry. I don't like making such a sweet person cry, but I'm going crazy in this relationship. It has been my typical move in a situation like this to just bite the bullet and break up and get back to my single life.
But it has occurred to me. Of my large friend group, only 2 of my male friends are married. One has a kid. At 30, I'm not getting any younger. Maybe this is my last chance to have something deep with a woman? Since my friends are mostly unmarried, they all advise that I end it and try the next girl.
Is there any saving this one? I suppose I should try at least. I could use some outside advise on this one. Thanks in advance.
This sounds to me like the age 30 panic. The 20 are over and now it starts to get scary, and the realization that time actually does go forward, and it has gone fast. You most likely will feel the same at approaching 40, regardless of what you have done in your life , it is natural to re-evaluate your life and think I wish I done this/ that.
Bottom line..... you need a relationship to have a base, a strong foundation. That means having similar interests , a friendship something you both enjoy, and care about.
You can fill years by having children , but when they flea the nest ,its just you two again.
What is it about her that attracted you to her in the first place? Do you love her?
Never stay somewhere because of your age, or out of comfort.
You only get one life, and in that life you be you, never be anyone else. We meet people in life that will challenge us and the way we are. Some inspire us and move us in someway. You grow together.
She wants kids and you don't and she wants marriage.... That's a big conflict and it is make or break stuff.
One line in your post jumped out to me, and it was this :
'Maybe it is my last chance to have something deep with a woman'.
Do you have something deep?
Your interests can say something about you, and your beliefs, passions, feelings, they can be a great platform to communicate and express yourself and bonds people. It seems from you post that both of you can't communicate, she reacts immaturely and you feel trapped by what you saying.
I think you need to be with someone who bounces off you, brings out the best in you. Never settle, the world is full of interesting people who will share you passions.
She deserves to meet a man who does want a family and kids.
You have a clear identity formed and she seems to be still forming hers. Don't you want equality, banter,excitement, laughter, deep discussions about the world and life, and someone to take that journey with you.
I think she will hold you back.
Your personalities are conflicting. She seems very sanquine and you are very choleric - not a good mix.
What has held you together for all this time? Sex?
She will drive you crazy in the long run.
I think the main question you need to ask yourself is 'are you in love with her'? If you answer yes to this then to a certain extent your answer is right in front of you. And that is to work at the relationship.
We dont come with the perfect parter, we make a perfect partner and sometimes you have to mould one another to each others needs.
Educate her with the things you like to do,with the things you like to talk about, topics which interest you. Get her involved. You may open her eyes to a whole new world. And you do the same with her, try and get involved with her way of thinking and her world.
Let her know that you at times do like your space. Talk to her about it.
As I mentioned above. There is only any point in you trying to make it work if you answered yes to still being in love with her. If you answered no, then I think you know the answer as to what you should do.
I think you sound like a great guy and she sounds like a genuinely sweet girl but marriage and kids are deal breakers. both of you seem into the serious relationship thing but one thing you said struck me, if might be your last time to find something deep. dude, people find their true loves in their forties, sometimes. don't worry about your age. if she makes you happy, compromise. that's how the relationship is going to work. if you find the relationship is boring, you can't make each other laugh etc...picture what life would be like after ten years with that person...would you be snoring, no sex life, can't stand the sight of each other, going out with your friends just to get out the house or would you both be looking back at years of great memories? do you want memories or regrets? that's for you to decide. I wish you best of luck...