I'm an older woman (over 30 y/o). Feel like I'm living my teen yrs now due to strict, overprotective parents. I wasn't allowed to date, hang out, etc. I focused on grades/music. Then, as a college undergrad, met tall, handsome very experienced grad student. He saw my naivety miles away...and pounced!
So, there was college sweetheart - broke my heart, scammed, lied to me, et....twice. Once in college then when he found me years later. Ex-fiancé broke our agreement to "wait" until we were married. Then, I met an ex Marine who kicked me and my music equipment, out of his car b/c I wasn't completely dressed and ready to go. I promise all I had to do was buckle my shoes! Then, I met a man who knew me for about a month who cussed me out b/c I wouldn't give him money. He said "Here I am thinking you are kind of sort of halfway my girlfriend..." PPPPHHHAAAA! WTH?!? Then I met a man who I thought was genuinely into me. He did/said all the right things. Stated that I was one of the best things that has happened to him in a long time. Then, after date 3, he wanted intimacy, got pissed off b/c I said not yet and stopped texting/talking to/calling me. I'd get sporadic "good morning" texts and the intermittent calls were "by accident" according to him.
Then, most recently, I met a guy that claims (after 2 weeks) that he loves me. He evades, drinks too much, claims that he "has my back" yet I haven't seem any evidence of that....even in the simplest way (e.g. hold door open for me or something like that). He says he's an executive chef, his car is in the shop and he's purchased a home in our city. When I ask about any of the information, he evades and changes the subject. He repeats "I'm so tired", "I know U think I'm crazy, but I truly love U" and "It doesn't take a man forever to know if he has a gem in a woman, you're a gem".
After next to last guy, I'd decided to throw myself into my career. I vowed that it would be just me and the Lord from here to the grave. Then, at the urging of my sorority sisters, and loneliness, I "got back on the horse" and tried it again.
It's like I'm cursed or something. I'm told I'm too uptight and rigid and need to loosen up. When I did that (tried to loosen up) I apparently gave off "I'll sleep w/u on the 3rd date" vibe.
It takes a lot of dating to find a great guy some times. You mentioned one guy after three dates. Three dates is nothing. I would have done forgotten him but you remembered him enough to put him in this post.
Don't hold on to the losers. You date to find out if they are bf material, that is why you date them. If after a week or two you find out they are not, let them go and don't hold on to them in your mind or in your heart.
Don't drop your standards, There are a lot of crappy guys/girls out there and you don't need to settle for one of them.
You're attracting men who want a gem because they equate that general trait with, Soft Touch, easy to dominate, easy to dupe and use, etc. It TAKES a "soft, kind-hearted" man to understand what another of his kind is really all about...and this is your problem, why you're, even without realising, giving off the wrong signals. Or, should I say, a too-LINEAR signal. Read on...
Here's the truth about "nice, kind, soft, do anything for you" people. They're hard basstuds but who have the very well developed conscience (super-ego) enough to FEEL GUILTY about that truth thus feel they have to compensate for it... by being [wait for it] really, really nice, kind, generous, soft. The harder basstud they are and/or the more guilty they feel for it, the more they OVER-compensate.
Those types you're attracting are WEAKLINGS. Parasites, users, dupers. They can't cope with life or a relationship without the aid of lies and short-cuts. Cheating at it. Give them equality and they're automatically starting from a position of disadvantage compared to you, HENCE have to lie, cheat, take short-cuts, playing emotionally unfair to make you feel so bad you give into them and their spoiled baby way.
Being weaker naked apes finding it harder to survive the straight and upstanding way, playing by decent rules, they aren't strong enough to consider and help others, they're constantly having to dedicate their protective instincts and general helpfulness towards THEMSELVES ALONE..they haven't got enough strength and enough healthy ego to share around, basically. THEY are nice ONLY WHENEVER THEY WANT OR NEED SOMETHING OFF SOMEONE... whereas, again, your secret hard basstuds are nice ALL the time to assuage that above-explained sense of guilt.
Making sense? (It's difficult to explain in lay terms because there are so many elements in play all at once, cooperatively and conflictually.)
So there you are, being your super-nice self to hide/make up for your inner hard basstud, and they read all the signs as this: "I am weak hence the reason I'm being nice is because I want and need something off you". They then conclude this: "I am even weaker than you through the fact of my being the FEMALE of your specie." They think you think and operate like them but are their natural subordinate..... until you turn around and (heh-heh, don't deny it) shock the life out of them by turning on your "RARRR!!!" and showing that inner hard basstud. And YET, conversely enough, ANOTHER side of their psyches does and always did detect STRENGTH - hence, on your back they jump (parasites). They're con-FUUUUSED, poor dears. Because you confuse them. So then they dump you or force you to have to dump them because they can't see any other clear-cut solution/way back in.
So what you're doing 'wrong' is one of TWO things (as in, options):
1. Not bringing a bit of "RARR!" into play ALONG WITH your "Ahhh", i.e. not having both those dials set on 5 and turning both or either up to suit what's going on OUTSIDE of you rather than what's guiltily inside of you. Sense? If you did this, those types would 'smell' that you weren't their type and give you a wide berth (same as your true type would and would approach you). They'd know the reason why you're 'genuinely' kind (ie. can AFFORD to be) because you could - IF EVER THEY OVERSTEPPED THE MARK - chew them up and spit them out in one, fell WHOMPH!
2. Not daring to entertain dating your Like. The reason for this is that you're understandably NOT READY to do a truly-madly-deeply, life-lasting relationship with a Like, as results in a MUTUALLY joy-inspiring, completely equal, completely fair, 50/50 union where both are equally happy. And that's why you're still hiding your "RARR!"... keeping that dial turned down TOO LOW where it doesn't show on the outside and doesn't even feature detectably in your whole vibe. Because otherwise you WOULD attract one of your perfect counterparts but would lack the EXPERIENCE of conducting a relationship and all its nitty-gritties, and you don't want to have to mess up your real thing just because of an insufficiency of experience, still.
Despite the partners that you're still attracting at this juncture are tw*ts, you are still gaining that dating experience, specifically, meanwhile, if not the true love part. Once it hits a quantum, you'll allow yourself to really feel the fact you're sick to death of them, and then move up a level to put Like and Experience TOGETHER, whereupon BAM! - in will, seemingly surprisingly, seemingly out of the Blue, walk Mr Perfect.
Sense?..., you secret hard basstud?
That, by the way, is why your parents effectively tied you to a chair. You had an inner power that was out of kilter with your experience, your 'street wisdom'. They should have let you loose and trusted that if you had that much "RARR!" to begin with then it was proof positive of you having above-average intelligence in the very certain respects that would ensure you'd survive no matter what the difficult situation (within reason). So by having tied you to the chair instead of letting you loose to make unimportant mistakes, they exacerbated and prolonged the very problem they were trying to remedy ("an izzn'it ironic..doncha think?"). After all, that street-wise side wasn't going to catch up to your other side by magic, was it. So, in essence, because you didn't get to experiment when you were younger, you don't yet know your power, what it is, where it is... not sufficiently.
I do, however, in your descriptive, see an upward trajectory in terms of progress. Example: Mr Chef is (was?) trying, by the sounds of it, to PRETEND he's in your league. So I presume by the fact he's capable of sniffing it that EITHER he is intrinsically in your league but experienced a period of being down on his luck OR you are NATURALLY now, starting to bring your "RARR!" more into play these days. So from noting that, I reckon you'll be blissfully married in another 5 years or less. So that's great news because it means you can relax (the right way) and enjoy being slightly irresponsible and frivolous for that much longer, dating just for the sheer fun (and experience-clocking) of it, thus get other, unrelated life experiences under your belt, ready for the off. Hey - you could even sleep with them if you wanted (wheyhey!) because you'd be ruining NOTHING.
The reason why it doesn't feel fun is because of this expectation-per-age and supposed stage always nagging at you ("I should be married by now, I should have kids, like my friends; what's wrong with me?", etc.). My advice, therefore, is to cease worrying about the If and Whether when it's actually just a guaranteed case of When, and just accept (and here's your label if you want it) that you're a Late Developer because you got held back (which became a slight habit that you then continued yourself). But don't worry about childbearing age because, within reasonable parameters, there's nothing like being in truly-madly-deeply love for the first time to majorly heighten the reproductive capability of even the supposedly tiredest (as in, not so youthful) womb and ovaries (seen it, seen it, seen it). Your brain does know what's been going on this whole time, anyway, meaning to a certain extent it'll have been putting all of that equipment in Sleep mode. You'll see.
In short, once these weakling-life-cheaters do get a flash of your "RARR!" side, you scare them (hence the cowardly "by accident" calls). Plus nobody feels the need to open a door for a strong, hard basstud, do they; she can open it herself (and him! LOL).
Not long now so - JUST ENJOY YOURSELF!
Was that 'thoughts' enough for ya? I only ask because I wouldn't want you to find out via brevity what a mercenary, hard basstud bizc I can be underneath it all, LOL. (Only under provocation, though.
PS: And that's not me telling YOU what's what, that me going into more detail than, amongst other little clues, "CRESCENDO". 'What's in a name', eh? Geddit?