Problems with girlfriend
Hi I'm new here i don't know where to start really, I've been with my girlfriend for over 10 years now and things have hit rock bottom for me!(so much to tell but only so many words) Anyways we met online through a online videogame and we got on really well for awhile I fell in love (tbh she was is my first Girlfriend. Like I said we got on well and we spent many a night chatting away,It didn't take long for me to realise she was my soulmate we liked the same things we had the same kinda humor the list goes on anyways so i decided to move over to UK to live with her. This is where I found out she had a bit of temper it wasn't so bad in beggining but as time went by she became more and more abusive (name calling,physical violence)I'm not talking about a few slaps on the face but attacked with scissors,biting that kinda of thing and for awhile i could cope and keep my cool i mean it have left me completely empty on the inside I used to get really upset meaning i cried alot back then but now not at all. So skip forward a many years about 1-2 years ago when i had completely gone numb inside after all the years of abuse we had quite literally stopped communicating with each other she did her thing I did mine, So here is what happened she had started acting weird and always on about people she were talking to online literally everytime we were to together she had the laptop out chatting away to random people online anyways I didn't really take much notice cause I felt i could trust her anyways to shorten the whole thing one day she asks me if it's ok to go and get her feet rubbed by a man she had been talking to on the internet and ofc I said it wasn't and she was literally begging to go and meet this guy so the alarm bells were ringing in my head so i decided to do some detective work and installed some software on the laptop to find out whats she had been up to, And OHH boy what a surprise i found out. It basicly was sexting but with some weird foot fetish involved so I felt angry at this point and jealous so i left it for awhile and i tried to spend more time with her and try to sort things out between us but my anger and sadness took over so i confronted her about this and she assured me that she hasn't met him and wasn't cheating on me, anyways forward a few months later I had forgiven her and all that but one day I decided to check up on the laptop what she had been up to and this time I found out some more disturbing stuff, more chat dialogue between other people about perverse stuff and she assured me that it was only a game to keep her amused and that she didn't get sexual arousal from all this and she only did this to stave of boredom!I know most people probably would've split by now but not so in this case,Yet again I forgave her! So forward ahead a few weeks from that point i happen to see some of her texts on her phone and some videos of a guy masturbating anyways that got me furious she said that they sent her the photos and videos and that she did never send anything back to them but some of them text she sent back where very dodgy to say the least, Alot of them were talking about masturbation and how she liked in the bed and she replied to all of em, So this brings me here to this point in time she is still texting people on the phone not as much as she used to... I do realise that this post sounds one sided but my question is, is she really just pretending with those other people online because thats what she had told me or maybe I'm a fool for beleiving her, She just said about as if it a casual thing nothing sexual for her so this has left me wondering. Is she really telling me the truth? Why would she disclose such things to a pervy man online? from all accounts she hasn't sent them any photos or videos of herself to them nor has she really ever suggested any of the sexual content in them texts she merely played along! Am I fool for staying with her!
You sure are!
Things like this will escalate - the abuse and her sexual acting out with other men, in spite of you being there.
I wonder how much you will take before you wake up.
I have a bible at home and it I gather Jesus was written to have said that love is the answer. I guess sometimes love can mean staying and sometimes love can mean leaving. I think Jesus was saying that safety and well being are also really important for everybody including you, the female presently in your life and also those other people on line. I have heard of people getting killed due to jealousy and internet triangles so I guess safety first. Jesus also said I gather people could call upon God for help and he also said that people who ask God for help get the help thy ask for, so that I think is and or sounds nice. I gather there is also some talk also in the bible about being wary of lust or seeking satisfaction in this life. Jesus I gather said that is not what goes into a person that defiles him but what comes out of him. I guess further to this that it is not what goes into us that makes us whole but what comes out of us perhaps. Jesus also said I gather that for people with spare time on their hands they can use that time to help the poor and the needy which I guess has two benefits, it's constructive and also may help people keep out of trouble perhaps. Some people I guess say that Jesus carried and lead with a lantern through the darkness that other people can follow if needed. he said that he is the way the truth and the light, that they who come to him shall not hunger and that they believe in him shall not thirst, and that they will live forever and be raised up in the last day, which sounds nice I guess. I had a priest say to me once it is good to read the bible / new testament for just a few minutes a day if needed just to help with remembering what the big picture is I guess. God bless to you and all the people in your life. Matthew.
Heard of the saying 'love is blind'? Well in your case it sure is. Continuous physical abuse should not be tolerated by neither a man nor a woman. Alarm bells rang there but you chose to ignore them. So, she decides to embark on further unacceptable behaviour knowing that you accepted the first batch of bad behaviour.
She is begging her own partner to allow her to see another man who has a foot fetish?! She is talking intimate details with other men!? She is accepting/viewing sexual content sent from another man!? And she blames it all on boredom? And she says all this sexual communication is non sexual for her?! Unless this sexual material is part of ones work, how can it NOT feel sexual to the other?!And you accept these answers?!? Really?!
Unless you are willing to adapt to her ways you really do have a serious problem. The only person who can stop this is YOU. You put up with the physical abuse and now she will expect you to put up with her cheating and the mind games.
Do the right thing and wake up before you really do lose all your sanity.
I think because we are finically bound together makes it harder for me to leave but also we had row not long since this post was made and she said to me "are we separated now can I go and meet other people" baffled me how fast she could say that,and I've found other sites she has signed up to saying that she is an unloving relationship and is looking for a long term relationship with somebody has just made me feel abit sad and angry tbh im stuck here I can't just up and leave atm
Well, you have decide that you are "stuck" in this relationship that is hurtful and demeaning to you, so there's no need for any more advice from anyone who is trying to help you.