Have I messed up my chances with this girl? Text log
The text was translated from another language so it may not be 100% accurate.
FYi: this girl is always very brutally honest.
I want to know if I can still save this and become more than friends.
This text exchange happened after I told her I've been worrying that she is losing interest.
Me: So, how stupid do I look when I say things like that?
Her: To me it's not stupid; you don't look stupid, stop it. It is I who feel a bit like an idiot... hmm... well then, it's a bit complicated.
Me: Oh man, why do you feel like an idiot? It is I who am weird.
Her: You're worried, I understand that. There's something wrong with me. I am like a praying mantis, I just bring confusion and disruption
Me: That's not true. Everything is fine with you. It's me who worries because I am not sure if I am doing things properly. I feel I am being weird and you're losing interest
Her: John, everything is okay wiith you. I like spending time with you, talking, hanging out. I want to be a friend for you, be able to talk about anything together.
Me: So, just friends?
Her: For now. We don't know where it will go from here. Are you ready to say? I'm not. I would not be able to stand it if something went wrong and we ruined everything. We need time.
Me:Okay. I think I understand. I don't know how it will turn out, but I would like for it to turn out well.
Her: Me too. I haven't been thinking of anything else these past days. You're not mad or dissapointed? Be honest.
Me: No. It's just how I said, I thought you lost interest because you seemed to not want to do stuff anymore. But I think I was just being stupid. I thought I did something wrong and was wondering what to do to make things work out well.
Her: You're doing everything well. I've just had bad days. <list of reasons that have nothing to do with me> If I didn't want to spend time with you I'd be avoiding you.
Me: Man, I was being stupid. Sorry. I tried telling myself you're going through stuff, but I kept thinking it was somehow my fault. I'm going to try not to worry so much. I told you a week ago how I've got a new approach to life, that's still true. But in this case I kind of forgot about this new approach because I really wanted things to go wel; I still do.
Her: I am happy that you are saying this :). You have nothing to worry about. Everything is okay. I also want thinks to go well.
Me: :) well I feel better. You know, things like this are hard for me... I am not quite sure how to proceed, but somehow, in my own way, I will.
Her: That's good. Remember, that friendship lasts forever. That's important.
Me: Oh, why is it so important?
Her: Because it is, that's how I feel
Me: I see, I know it's important. But you're acting as if you're expecting there to be nothing more than freindship.
Her: I don't expect anything. I told you, I am not a fortune teller.
Me: I know. It just sounded weird. I think I am overthinking it .
Her: Yes, you are. you need to loosen up. We need to live it up, see how it works out.
Me: Okay, I'll try not to think of it.
Sorry but I too have to be brutally honest. You are still asking if you can still save this and become more than friends!? Even though you have asked the girl in question, the SAME question who has answered your question?
The answer is clear. she values your friendship and does not want to ruin it. She likes hanging out with you. She is unable to see into the future so she is unable to tell you if you both will become more than friends. BUT, she does like you as a friend.
Take note of one very important thing she mentioned: You need to loosen up.
Enjoy the friendship and stop obsessing on wanting more.
But she didn't say she doesn't want to be more; she seems to be open to it...no? I just dont know how to try and make something more out of it; beyond friendship.
She has not ruled out a relationship but she is still happy to keep a friendship. She values the friendship more. And she is worried if things did go wrong once you both were in a relationship, then you both would also ruin the friendship.
Just remember, the happiest relationships start off as friends. Be her friend. Let her fall in love with you. Why are you trying to push things. Let it come naturally. :)
To be honest, and I know it may cheesy, but I'm in love.
I guess I am rushing things becauee of how I feel... the thing is, I'm awkward and don't really know how to show my feelings. I.e. I don't know what to do or say and when to say or do it or how to say or do it.
That is not cheesy (it may sound it to her though) It is a wonderful feeling being in love.
You have shown your feelings in your texts between one another. You have told her you would like more than friendship. Leave it to her now. If you continue to push her you may just lose her. As I said before, enjoy your friendship. Hang out, talk, laugh, cry!!! Just enjoy the moment. Good luck
I appreciate your advice :).
May I ask something else?
Should I try to ask her out on a date? Or save that for later? How much later? We have been on two dates already, two days in a row because she wanted too, and the texting I posted happened four days after the second date.
Aaaah ok. So you both have been on a few dates already. I see now why you are confused. You both go on a few dates and then she begins to play the friend game. Yes, enough to confuse anyone. That is something you failed to mention before!!! And that was quite important!!!! Apologies on my part tho as I should have asked for further information.
My assumption after reading your original post was that you both were JUST friends and No dates had taken place. So based upon that, my advice will now be different.
She clearly knows you like her. Dates have been set but only on her terms. Everything does seem to be on her terms so far. If I were you. I would now play it super cool and not chase her. She has told you she wants to see it as friends first so be her friend, treat her like a friend. Become a little distant with her and see if she calls you. Play the cool guy. You don't want to become the puppet in this relationship.
I know you love her but sometimes you just need to step back and in your situation you literally do need to do that. I would not ask her to go on any more dates. I would just be her friend as she has asked. If she likes you more than a friend, then she may just start to do the chasing :)