Hi,long story short- I am involved in a affair with a married guy. The thing is I know I have to let go, but I can't bring myself to do that. There's no point continuing it because 1)There's no future for us and 2)I don't want him to leave his wife for me. So, i should let go. Even though he wants to continue, I should put an end to it. But, here's the thing.. I can't bear to imagine my life without him. I like him a lot, but at the same time I feel I can't do this anymore.. I know most of you are going to say it's sick what we are doing, he's terrible, I'm terrible and so on and so forth.. You can criticize all you want.. But do keep in mind here is a person honestly asking for a way to rectify it all.. So, please leave comments only if you can say anything that's going to help me. I want to let go. I'm saying let go because I'm leaving the country soon and I don't know if I'll ever see him again or not.. And even if do, whether things will be the same? I want to let go, but at the same time I'm so afraid to remove him from my life.. it's so difficult..
Can you give a bit more detail.
How you met? How long has the affair been going on for? You say there is no future for you both? Why? If he is prepared to leave his wife then surely there is? Does he have children? You are leaving the country? Yet you may/may not see him again? And even if you do, it may not feel the same?
I am only asking such questions in order to get a clearer picture and hopefully provide you with advice which will be helpful to you.
I must say that I understand your dilemma. I wasn't involved with a married man, but I was involved with man that was in a live-in relationship (still wrong). We were involved for many years; I saw a few girlfriends come and go. Over time, I grew to love him deeply and I too felt as though I could not imagine life without him; and to this day, I still have a lot of love for him in my heart but I had to let him go FOR ME. I did not want him to leave his relationship, because I did not want a relationship from him, but I enjoyed his company among other things and he was a good friend to me. The thing is that you have allowed a soul tie to be created. If you don't know what a Soul Tie is...Google it; they are real. I had many conversations with him about how it was not right and we should stop seeing each other, but of course he said he did not want that. Why would he..I didn't really want to either; I just knew I was wasting time because we had no future. I also knew that even though he cheated on his lady, he was a good man with a lot of great qualities and I did not want to be the reason why he doing wrong. I loved him enough to want whats best for him, not whats convenient for us. I even did the "when I move away, it will end" thing, it thought it worked until we ended up seeing each other again after years of separation and picked up as if we were together just the day before; because we never ended. It is going to be hard to do, TRUST ME...but you just have to do it. It is best to resolve it before you leave and take the time to get past it before you leave the country. Otherwise you may be in another country but still stuck in that chapter, leaving does not close the chapter. You have "write that ending" and move on to the next chapter or "put an end to it" as you stated. There is not secret method, you are going to just have to do it. I am not sure if you believe in praying, but I believe in prayer, so I prayed for the soul tie to be broken and I pray for every bondage to be broken; and I do not work against my prayer. I had to put on my "grown woman" and just let it go. The beauty of it is that I still have great memories of him and he is apart of my life, my past life. I hope and pray that you find the strength to just end it and move on. Think about this, if you say there is no future with him, then how hard can it really be to live without him. As long as you are "involved", you are holding up your own future because as you said you have no future with him. I am only saying to you what I have said to myself many times. It will be hard at first, but guard you eyes and ears. Avoid things that remind you of him (music, movies, TV shows, etc) and don't speak on it, I would not even advise you to journal about it. I had to really direct my focus on my future, and he is not apart of it, that helped me not to think about him as much. Until I read your post, I had not thought about him for some time. It will get easier though, just channel your thoughts and stay strong. I'll pray for you too.