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My Love Was Never My Love

Posted by
ZAINABDULLAH
on Jul 5 2014 at 18:59
Member since: 03 June 2014
Relationship advice We were colleagues, became friends, he was just a clay had no shape, he was blank about future and had no maturity, I as a friend later became a guide, thought him right and wrong, made him understand life. We feel in Love. He was never serious on marriage, was not too much impressed of my looks but loved me alot and once I started getting alliances for marriage, he decide not to leave me and got married to me. We both worked our marriage, inspite of hindu muslim, inter-religion marriage convinced parents and got married. He was happy with me, but not as a complete package. I missed romance and sex in our life right from beginning. But love was there, understanding we had, he used to listen to me and as per my plans we both executed. Gods Grace we within 3 years could make up home, got a car and settled financially, professionally, and spiritually. I missed a kid, but he never wanted kids so I compromised. I love my parents but he doesnt like them and never treats them with respect, I compromised, explained him, asked to improve but no change so kept ignoring. His parents doesnt like me, never troubled me neither did any good. I respected his parents more than my parents did all good to them as I could, but still they had only one point in mid, that iam a muslim.

Life kept moving, he started getting too much involved in saving money that we both earn, I gave him all authorities and he handled it well. But as a wife I was still missing romance and sex in life.

Four years of marriage now, right from the time of marriage to get him aroused either we both should watch porn, once he is aroused he would approach me. Else to get him aroused it is some drama we need to play and both inact. He usually likes stranger stories and we both would play and then land up to sex. If he is not in mood for any of this, I should then dress up to my best as a prostitute and tempt him, only then he would get in mood...I always wondered and wished, if I can have a day where he could be attracted to me the way Iam and we would have love making and intimacy and land up to sex and feel the real joy of being husband and wife.. But my dream stayed just dream, and I still ignored, compromised, tried explaining him alot but no use, he would say he would improve but no results. He is self-obssessed which I understood very late. He would always be busy in himself, love himself and think only of his wishes and his happiness.

Finally I decided to atleast have kids so that I would continue marriage and divert from his love and concentrate on other things, but then he still is not happy for kids. Issues raised my patience reduced, When things went beyond my control. I decided to sleep seperate, anyways no use of being in one room. He had still no issues, he behaved just as a good friend. then things went to parents. One fine day when we both decided to sit and talk on this.. He says, I was never physcially attractive to him, reason is im fat and shapeless, Physcially he doesnt get any temptation if he sees me. When I asked of his love, he says, I love you as a very good friend, but I think I miss a friend that a guy would have on a girl. You are my guide, I respect you for that, but I think you always had complaint about the love of a husband to wife, I agree I ddint give you tat, I tried doing but I failed. I think I can never give you the love that you want from me. But I would wish that you can marry someone else and get it from them.

Imagine how I would have felt, my love was unconditional to him, I never expected anything from him except love and some good time. He had neither for me, but he married me with the pain of love, he had stayed with me for 4 years as a real good friend. But now when he is matured understands life. He doesnt even remember the reason why he is hear and want importance that person would hold in his life. He clearly says that guys like him has a type of expectations from girls and Iam not his type of girl, but apart from that he loves me alot.Again may not as a husband but as a friend. He says for him Love and Sex are two different things and he cant mix it.

I really dont understand his mentality, How can a person behave like this with his loved one. Not only now after 4 years, he has kept commenting on every part of my body when ever he is too close to me and we talk of it. I never tot that these comments would be so serious in our case that even after giving him 4 years of love he still keeps my body and shape as a negative part.

I loved him so much, I live for him and he doesnt like it. He says "I dont need you to love me so much, you love me 100%, i need only 60% you love yourself for 40% and be happy.. Dont be so much behind me. And now after all he also says, might be some one else would value your this unconditional love, but I dont understand why Iam not able to feel any value add in this love. "

What should I do now, divorce him ? or think that he is having physcological problem and give up my happiness and continue with him ? All his friends now after listening to our issues and his understanding says... he has some physcological problem I think, the way he is taking life is not normal. He doesnt want a wife who loves him alot, but instead looking for a sexy girl and expecting a good life...

My life became a mess now, I dont understand wat to do... I can move ahead and get married, as I have good friend who can hold my hand. But I loved him so much it hurts me to leave him.. Because though we have so many issues, we are so good friends..Please suggest, but yes I need love, my life is incomplete without a caring husband and a kid.

My Love was never my love
Reply from
PEACE
on Jul 6 2014 at 13:53
Member since: 25 September 2013
he wants out and has made it clear and you clearly dont get what u want from him,be sensible and move out so that both are happy in life
My Love was never my love
Reply from
COLDSNOWBUNNY
on Jul 8 2014 at 16:48
Member since: 08 June 2014
You are wasting your time with him. He doesn't want you. He told you that. You need to move on before you waste any more time with him.
My Love was never my love
Reply from
SUSIEDQQ
on Jul 9 2014 at 01:12
Member since: 27 December 2013
You need to be with a man who loves and wants you and also wants a child with you. These are your hopes and dreams.

This man cannot give all this to you.

You need to decide what to do about this.

I think you know. You don't need to ask strangers what to do.

Discussion closed - why not create your own thread?