She is still hoping, and it creeps me out
It's started in an online game where I met her, my 'online' ex girlfriend. We've been friends for 2 months in the game before I started to ask her about being in a role play-like relationship together. You know, online relationship. She agreed, since then we've been talking with each others through Skype and Facebook. We share things with each others, even personal matters.
It lasted for 5 months. I had an important national examination last year, and even told her that many times during our online relationship. Yet, everytime I didn't appear on Skype, she would freak out. During our relationship periods, I always put up with her. Even when she was upset (over our relationship, which she's being the first to start creating a drama over it), I've spent my time comforting her. Not once did I try to talk to her about it so she would understand, but it's been more than twice. We've talked about it many times and actually made up. This went on again and again for when I didn't show up for 3 to 4 days on Skype. Which I began to think, "this is a burden to me.". And admittedly, felt annoyed that I decided to end up with her. She was shown to be fine (at least, that's how it looks like). And said to be understanding my problem. Even when I became frustrated with her, I felt bad at the time and told her "maybe, JUST MAYBE, one day we'll be together again." and told her that we should be friends at the time.
Since the relationship lifted, I don't go to Skype that often, preparing for my examination. But I did online at my FB using my mobile. We talked there at times. When my examination ended, I had a big hiatus from online works. I wanted to live the real world outside and to find my career. When I go back to Facebook, I see many messages left from her. The last one being sent 1 month ago at the time. She wrote and confess all of her feelings towards me, that she was waiting for me and that she was sad and all. Stating that, "You're living me hanging for nothing.". With the feeling of angst, depression and such. Which I was quite shocked, why is it she's the one that mad? And WHY should she be overly concerned and mad over a past relationship? Would one be this obsessive towards one's friend? It's been months since the last time we broke up. Admittedly, I was bounce to feel bad reading that, not because of those things that I don't have fault for, but for the fact that I have always kept her waiting. Then I tried to reach her in Skype, wishing all the best for her. Stating that, "Now you've said all of those stuff, maybe we don't even have chance together anymore". Yet, another departure. She didn't reply, so I thought, that's that.
Few months ago, I was active again on FB. Saw her online, we didn't talk. I was active again to get in touch with the partners I've met in person for my future career. It takes a week or so, until she decide to PM me on FB. And as friends, we talked normally. I am mostly glad at the time knowing that she didn't keep it for long. It's always good when you get to made up with your friends. Days went by, she asked "Can we still be together?". In reality, I feel bad to have to answer to that question. In my mind I thought, "Not this again.". When I actually moved on quite some time ago. I couldn't date someone I've never met in person. I wanted to live in the real world now. I told her that I couldn't. Like before, she was shown to be fine.
Yes we talked occasionally these days. She's being the one to start up the conversation. Most of them are just empty talks. Most of the time, whether it's direct or indirectly, she's always shown to not want it when people thought of her as an annoying person. Which I told her that she think too much, that she should develop positive thinking instead.
There's days when we don't talk. I don't normally talk to someone online when I don't have anything to be said to them. Then she would post statuses like:
"Girls aren't going to talk to you first. It's a girl thing. We don't like starting the conversation because we like to feel like you want to talk to us. We like to feel the wait was worth something. We like feeling like you've waited for us like we've waited for you. But the number one reason we hate talking first is because WE HATE TO SEEM NEEDY OR CLINGY. That's why we're scared. Cause to us, being needy and obsessive just pushes guys away. And no girls wants that."
Which I had develop a sinister thinking, "You don't want to be shown obvious, but you just did something that shows how obvious your attempt is. Talk about the amount of sincerity in you.". The truth of why I didn't start a conversation with her first has nothing to do with our past personal issues. It's that I just have nothing to talk to her. And I've never really waited for her, nor thinking that she's waiting for me. Do you really wait for your friend like this? Does it has to be this awkward? One more thing that is bothering me is that, I feel like she's watching every of my steps. Like once she told me she used to google my name on the Internet and found my other forum accounts and such. Which I think is kind of creepy. She also added my friends on FB just because I often comment to some of their statuses. I began to feel very uncomfortable, even when her actions are just minor. I need help with this feeling of anxiety. I'm afraid if she's still hoping despite I told her it's a dead end and there's just no way we could be together. We are JUST FRIENDS. That's the thing that I don't think she really get it.
No, she doesn't get "it."
But you created the "it" so why are you so surprised to discover that she is now stalking you? You are not playing the fantasy game the way she wants it to be played.
This girl can not be friends. She sounds like she has issues. But you feed right into it all.
Break it off and stay off FB.
You kinda put yourself into this mess. You told her you may get back with her in the past. Then said because of all the stuff she said "maybe" you shouldn't get back with her. When you end a relationship, END it. She showed you what kind of person she is. FYI not all girls are afraid off being "clingy" some girls are afraid YOU are "clingy". If a girl is afraid she is clingy, then she probably is and some girls (like me) think the whole labeling a person as clingy or not clingy is childish and some people just don't fit together. Break it off. Don't message her or respond to her message.