The guy who help me alot turn out to be gay
I'm a girl and this guy is my business partner. Many people who doesn't know he is gay but he admitted himself to me long ago before I stated liking him. I wish I didn't like him and just treat him as a business partner or he wouldn't have helped me so much in the 1st place but now I can't stop seeing him as we have started the business but its painful to see him with his boyfriend. I really hope this feeling would go away soon. Everytime I think about it, I would feel a pain in my heart. The nicer he treats me the more painful I feel. What should I do?
Thank you for giving me advice and help.
That is rather difficult.
You can try to find some sort of coping strategies for this. Such as getting more independent. Hanging out with friends, family and participating in some hobbies to take up your time. That way you're not thinking about this guy and the pain should go away some more, since you're not thinking about him.
You could also try to make your relationship strictly business. This means the only time you talk and hang out is over business related issues. Therefore in all other causal aspects your just rejecting and cold, as if you engaged in time with him you'd just get closer and hurt more. Although this method could upset him and hurt you if he leaves you since he is your business partner. However, your both in the same boat. If he leaves the business is hurt, but from his perspective if you leave it hurts it too. Therefore he's less likely to leave because of this too.
You could be clear with your feelings, tell him you love him, but obviously you know it won't work because he is gay. So you want to try and distance yourself from him and he may be more accepting of that. Respect your wishes and keep it strictly business. I think this could be the best option if he's very understanding and you know he won't react highly negatively to it. I don't see why he would, but that's just a thought. If he does understand it could be the easiest course of action and the most effective. As opposed to others where he doesn't know, and will continue to act normally not knowing what you're doing. Then on the side lines with this course of action, get more independent, seeing friends, family and going some hobbies etc.
In conclusion, telling him in my opinion is the best thing to do. But if not you could try and distance yourself under the hood without him knowing. However being more independent so your mind is filled with more things to think about than just him is a course of action you can take at any time, it has no repercussions but to benefit you.
I hope that helped, good luck with your business partner and have a wonderful day :)
Thank you for your advice. Been thinking about this for awhile. I don't think I'll have the courage to tell him how I feel as I do not want or need to hear his rejection. Its painful enough. So my only option now is like you say to stay strictly on business and pray. Pray that this feelings will go away soon. Keeping myself busy is another good temporally method but I'm sure soon he'll start worrying about me and try to help me out. Hopefully it gives me enough time to heal before I start to remember that I like him.
Yeah I can understand that. You'd know his rejection is coming and thus it'd hurt you more. I do think though in the long run that would help both parties knowing the situation, so you two can act accordingly.
Just doing things independent of him is the only thing you can do right now. Keeping it all strictly business. If he starts worrying that would be problematic. Worse comes to worse you don't get over them, then you'd either need some strategies to deal with it, until it perhaps one day goes away or just deal it. Leaving the business is always an option, although not a good one for obvious reasons.
I wish you good luck with that! As it does suck having feelings you can never act upon.
Been in a vaguely similar situation, to put it bluntly, I'm a guy who was extremely infatuated with another guy who was straight. In the end I got it through my head that even though I cared about him, it couldn't be more than friendship, and I was too terrified of what was happening even to be a friend. If you really love him, you should be happy he's happy with someone else, as I am.
I've also had the odd paradox of being very strongly emotionally attracted to a girl who I liked very, very much as a friend, helped make a really sh*thole part of my life something worth remembering with endless cheer and optimism, interesting anecdotes and hours of hours of listening to my problems, liked her strongly enough that even though I'm completely gay, I did feel oddly physically drawn to her, because she's such an awesome person. In the end, nothing happened, I've still got an awesome friend whose not afraid to tell me when I'm wrong and is always going to be there for me.
Make sure he knows how you feel, and make sure you see things from his perspective; if he's got a boyfriend and he's happy, put yourself in his shoes and feel his joy, it's a good way to prevent bitterness towards others, recognizing how great they must feel. Just make sure you don't spoil it, and you've done something really nice and loving for him.
Don't know if this helps, I do feel for you though.