Love inside depression
My wife announced last week that she has no feelings for me. We have been up and down over the last 3 years, since the birth of our second son. She was diagnosed with post natal depression and I was not as supportive as I should have been. She was given happy pills and sent on a self esteem course. In my opinion neither have helped her.
I have wanted to leave home for the last year, as I was coming home to a miserable wife who did nothing all day and was worn out by 8pm. I stayed in the hope things would get better but they have not really changed. I came home on that day and asked why she was always sad and low, only to be told that she has no feelings for me.
She has told her friends and family, non of which saw this coming, and I feel she has boxed herself into a corner she can now not escape from. We have found her somewhere to sleep, away from home, and she will continue to take care of the boys until I return from work each evening. I suggested she have a complete break, if she needed, but she declined.
The thing I find hard to handle is the anger. She now acts as she hates me and always has. I have tried talking calmly to her, but talking has not been a strong point for 3 years. I feel sorry for my boys,3 & 5, but hopefully growing up in a happy single atmosphere is better than a sad one with 2 parents.
I have persuaded her to call this a trial separation and I feel if we can get her out of depression then we stand a chance. Only time will tell. I still deeply love her and would miss her greatly if things did end completely but could not go on with the sadness building up inside me.
Have I done the right thing or should I have continued to be miserable inside, like my wife says she is?
Was it her choice to leave? - usually its the Husband that leaves since the mother is the primary caregiver for the children.
Right now I can't see how anything is different, except she sleeps somewhere else.
But if it is as you say, I hope your ex can get a part-time job and start to feel better. You should make arrangements for someone to watch the children during her work days. She can then see the children on her off days.
She sounds overwhelmed with the children and not happy in the marriage.
The kids will handle this as well as the adults do. I hope both of you are getting counseling during this stressful time so you can learn how to separate without hurting the children. It's all about them now.
have ea day caregget herselfcf this d
She is going through a difficult time. She has just been moved from her home, her relationship is over, and she is now a single mom. Of course some anger is expected. You are away from her for the most part now so try not to worry too much about how she is moving through the stages of grief and change.
You move on and let her move on. You can not be responsible for her choices now. She will always be the mother of your children and she will parent them and you will do the same, only separately. I would not try to talk to her just yet. She is not ready for that. If you are separated then be separated. Do not try to reconcile at this point. Just let her know that when/if she is ready to talk you will be there.
Thanks for the feedback. It was my wife's choice to leave home and my only priority at present is the children. I thought if she had a complete break for 6 weeks away from everything she could concentrate on herself and sort things in her own mind. Not that I am saying she does not know what she is doing but there was no pre-thought planning involved.It is clear we both love our children and my wife is still the person I want to share my life with. But love is a 2 way street. It has always been my hope she would go to counselling but she cannot talk to anyone about things, me family or friends.